You killed me
I’m not writing this from heaven
I’m not writing this from hell
I’m quite alive and still breathing
But you killed me.

Do you remember?
All those moments,
When I had to tiptoe around you
Like I was walking on egg shells
Because I was afraid of your wrath…
I was only five.

Do you remember?
How I hated my sense of sound
Because I was afraid of your hurtful words?
I wished to fall deaf every time you spoke to me
I was only 8.

Do you remember?
How I played outside in the cold alone
Because I was afraid?
Afraid that I’d make a mistake
… like maybe spill breadcrumbs on the tiles
And you’d hit me
I was only 10.

Do you remember?
How I got sad…
I cried all night on several nights
I became depressed
And I met a friend, the razor
And I started to self harm?
I was only 15.

Do you remember how I was ashamed?
Ashamed of my scars?
The one’s I inflicted on myself because of you?
I covered my body in cloth…
Even when it was 40°C hot
I was only 17.

Then I turned 18
The big 18
“Adulthood and independence here I come,
I can finally be me
Yes! Li-be-ration.”
But you said, “You’re useless.”

It all came back,
Every slap
Every tear
Every word
So I took the knife on the table
And stabbed you on the heart.

You died but you killed me
You killed me slowly
Like a deadly poison.
You battered all the happiness from me;
You took so much that the person who remained was no longer me.

You did it everyday, every year
And I’m paying for it.
Here I am, still with the knowledge that happiness is just a word.
I’m sitting here
No future, no nothing, in a prison cell.

If fairness exists
Then on judgement day,
you should get a sentence of life in hell.
The same way I am in this jail cell.