Year to year
mile to mile
I will walk with shame
although my scars
won’t let me smile
and I find it difficult to relate
to the basic societal norms

I have kept a secret long enough
it rattles each time I pretend to be alright
suicidal thoughts come and go but still
I pledge to keep the secret until my dying days

Pain and suffering are my closest companions
together they lure me to my grave
moreover, my reflection precipitates the agony

I always find myself longing for words,
which I cannot find in any time,
I always stutter when I speak ‘cause I’m frozen
unconscious like a deer trapped in lights

Suicidal thoughts found a way to trick me
I hear them over and over as if
they were here personally
they tell me a story each time and
my only oath is to never stop listening

I trust and believe that I would
withhold the secret forever
either way they will excoriate me

You may be far but not gone
I have written this to raise awareness
that whatever ailment you have
don’t keep a lid on it
don’t keep a secret
open up
don’t be ashamed
don’t be like me
I’m taking my own secret to my grave.