Soft hugs without the noise in your brain
I was in a lot of pain.
Living to please other people.
I was always spiralling in 360’s of self-destructive behaviour.
I hated myself.
I hated my mother.
For what she and him did to me.
I almost lost everything.
The people who cared about me and myself.
I became so engulfed by a hurt that almost killed me.
Until I decided to speak my mind and let go.
Nothing hurts more than mourning a mother who still lives.
Every time I’d hear those words I’d break inside,
Every time a friend would call their momma in my presence
I’d feel like crying.
And you know what.
I learned something today.
April 18(2019) Thursday. 05:58.
I was out trapping.
I couldn’t sleep.
I shouldn’t have been there.
But I was.
It shouldn’t have been hurting but it was.
I was not forced to be here.
I realised sometimes we’re the toxic ones to ourselves
And maybe we need to stop, breathe,
Try to forgive and let go because believe me,
It doesn’t matter how much you hold onto that hurt,
Or how you pray they feel it for you.
It’s gonna eat away at you.
It’s gonna kill you, never them.
They’ll come after.
It might not seem okay right now.
But it’s worth finding out what’s going on next week.
Hold on a little longer.
It gets better.
Your head will spin, you’ll run out of breath, you’ll wanna quit.
You. Are. Not. Done.
-With love and a little bit of Brown sugar and warm honey. Your favorite Aunti. Shay_M