I lie in bed with tears running down my face. I won’t lie, I miss you each day of my life. I know many will call it attention-seeking but the pain does not seem to wash away. Each time I look at a picture of you, I get a sharp pain in my chest and start thinking of all the memories you left me with. And more especially the gift of a sibling you left for me to mother at an age where I had not even become a teenager yet.

Thoughts of suicide have crossed my mind so many times that I have lost count, but whenever I attempt to, I just remember you saying, “God’s timing is unquestionable and in him, my son, you should always seek refuge, for he will never abandon you.” You are missed, mama. Death became an enemy and took you away from me at a very young age. Funny, how you always spoke of death and that you were preparing me for that day you would leave and never return. Honestly I didn’t think it would be that soon. Everyone seems to have moved on but to me the wound you left in my heart is still fresh.

I miss the food you made. No one can make food the way you made it, mom. You gave food to me with love and your smile. It can’t be replicated. It’s impossible. No one else has your smile. Sometimes, the little man and I joke about how you made your food with love and how passionate you were when it came to home-cooked meals. Argh, when l remember this I feel good, I feel closer to you.

I stopped celebrating my birthday the very same year you left because I lost the importance of it since you were no longer here to celebrate it with me. I miss you, darling. I carry you in my heart every day.

Your son
Ricardo

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