I was raised with love🧡 and care by my granny
In an environment where being outside was like
Being in a new place where you don’t know anyone
Or perhaps watching a scary movie.
When I was a teenager I was still kept inside
Like a prisoner with my own parents.
Being indoors🛖 24/7 isn’t who I was supposed to be
But life made me.
I like to watch the sunset and clouds
Watch the green grass
Watch the rain fall and us running like children.
To see the beauty of the earth/universe.
But he did too. He had it all. He felt it all.
He’s ready to leave it all. And I?
He doesn’t want a girlfriend that gets drunk
And smokes like he did.
Yet he can’t make me happy.
He is always not around
He doesn’t want me to mingle with people.
Love doesn’t regret nor reject I too do not.
But why do I have to feel this way
Why I don’t feel loved by him
Why is my heart painful
I love him. I wanted to be with him forever,
If things went according to our plans and wishes.
I thought my journey was at the end but I was wrong
I will still continue searching searching and searching.
It looks like I still have a long way to go
How can someone you love make you feel miserable
Make your life sorrowful.
He has been nothing but a pain in my heart.
Love makes one glow and makes you look like a child
But to me it feels like I was cursed in love.
Love makes you feel alive and see things positive.
How’s love when it’s making me die inside.
I want random stares and whispers.
Random kisses and hugs
I want to feel his love
How long will I keep persevering
For something that will not change.
For something I don’t see happening.
If he was someone else
He was supposed to be sitting next to me.
Laughing of course. Smiling like the world is ending.
Happy as if tomorrow we are dying.
But here I am, alone in the park.
Breathing the fresh air, swinging alone.
Playing merry-go-round hoping that
When I turn clockwise everything will be OK.
Looking at the cars going up and down.
Wiping the tears on my cheeks,
Trying to tell myself to be strong
But they flow like a river.
My heart aches.
It’s struggle after struggle, life doesn’t give me a break.
For how long do I have to suffer until I find my happiness?