I remember when my father told me he loved me.
I remember his hugs.
I remember his musky scent.
I remember him telling me everything will be alright.
I remember him telling me I’m his baby girl and I’ll always be.
I remember him calming me down when I was hurt.
I remember, I remember, I remember him.

I remember my dad being my first love.
I remember him naming me “Siyamthanda”
I remember him giving me love and affection.
I remember, I remember, I remember my father.

Where is he now?
Does he still love me?
Did his love fade or vanish?
Is he happy with his other children?
Is he proud to call himself a father with other children?

With him not being by my side.
I forget what it feels like having a dad.
I forget what having someone fight for you feels like.
Fathers Day means nothing to me.
Because my father got swallowed by the world and its vultures
“Tata uphi na?”


This piece of writing was created as part of the WritingMe Writing Clubs with Sophumelela High School, Western Cape. Find out more here.