Sometimes I’m high
Everything moving right
Everything rubbing me just so
Big smiles and laughter
Care free and experiencing the world like it’s a new thing
Hopeful and ready for the future
Big dreams and big imaginations
Planning high on the rush of expectations
And then I drop
Down to the bottom of darkness
Lonely and insecure
I look for tomorrow but today keeps going forever
Big smiles have become just cracks of my fault lines
I can’t stand anyone
I can’t care
Sometimes I just don’t know how to
I sink where no one can reach me
I’m just a husk of a shell
All dried up with life leeched out by the burden of living
I scream inside and but no one can hear
I’m bound and I don’t know how to be free
I can’t care to be free
So I cut and watch the only thing worth something in me flow out
I cut just to feel free
I watch to make sure it’s real
That it really is ending once and for all
But they find me
They try to mend me
They don’t know it’s not my wrists at fault
I can’t find the words to tell them it’s my soul that is broken
I can’t make them understand
So I let them assume
I pretend to be ok
Yet inside I moan the missed chance of my death
So I lay in waiting
I watch and wait for another chance to present itself
This time I will do it right
But whoa, something just hit me
I woke up today high
Ready for the day
Excited for the future
Energy abounds, agitated cause everyone seems to be moving too slow
I seem to be leaving life behind
I’m so big that life cannot contain me
I’m so happy until the darkness comes and sucks everything away
It always comes to drag me back down to the abyss
My highs are just illusions of freedom
How cruel to know what you are missing yet can’t ever have it….