Restless, I lay on my bed with blood pumping through my arteries
Thinking: “Is this how it would feel if I slit open my capillaries?”
Who would know better than my heartbroken single mother?
Cardiomyopathy…such a strong word
I do not know its meaning but I do know of its strength
And, in all honesty, it defines a heavy heart
that seeks but never finds
A heart that reaches out but never catches on;
and a heart that sets free, but is never really free.
It yearns for healing.
We all do, but yield no results.
Cardiomyopathy, a sickness medicine cannot cure,
but affection does.
Your heart will bleed and still your chest will be in pain.
They say love doesn’t cost a thing,
but right now it’s costing me my heart!
Besides the point of loss and hurt,
cardiomyopathy devours my true self
as much as it does any feelings I had for the world.
I beg for healing, show me affection, be pretentious about it.
My heart won’t notice a thing.
Allow me to heal.
I was asked to leave your side, but my left leg remained.
I came for it and my right leg did the same and now?
Now I’m just hanging on to my heart,
even if it’s futile, but know this:
it keeps me alive and sane.