I packed my bags and headed to the south.
Left cracks on the wall from the fight last night.
Suicide note on my mother’s bedside.
Glass cuts on my face, nothing makeup can’t hide.
Nothing I can’t hide, so I smiled my way against my tears,
Camouflaged the pain. I have to soldier on.
The truth shall set you free
So my father left without me when I was four…
I been fighting to stay in one place since then.
Like father like daughter, only this freedom is a fairytale.
Then you meet me on the journey of crises.
I Hate the way you look into my eyes
And see more than mysteries I behold.
You hold my hand almost like it’s your canvas,
Like you are painting on my soul,
Both gentle and intimidating.
You know the things I haven’t told,
You see beneath the choices,
You see me the same way the sun sees the earth.
I hate that you make me flush away the tablets
Because life is worth living.
I hate that you bring me closer to the truth
That I might mean something.
I hate you for making me feel like love is real.
When all my life I saw it leave, crush and destroy.
I hate you for making me see God,
Straight in your eyes
When hell and rage call my name.
Walked my way through the haunted valley,
Ghosts of the past yearning to welcome me.
Walked side by side with skeletons in the closet.
No one closer, won’t find any closure.
Yet you care, search for my footprints
Not for who I am or the things I do
But for a way to my heart, to say I do.
I hate your kindness,
Every time you show me what it means
I question my past,
What if I did not deserve it?
I hate how you make it difficult for me
Not to believe in everything good.
I hate that you show me greater possibilities beyond the guilt.