(It’s Tuesday morning, the day set for Mr C’s test. Students are sitting quietly as Mr C distributes the question papers).
Mr C: (Finishes handing out the papers) Now, you can start writing.
(The students remain silent, folding their arms).
Mr C: Are you going to stare at that question paper like ghosts for the next two hours? Should I take them back and put fat zeros for y’all?
Xoli: (Abruptly) If you think what Mr C is doing is unfair say ‘Yoooh!’
Students: (Fling their papers into the air) Yooooh!
Mr C: (Standing by the door ready to flee if chaos unfolds) Are you people crazy?
Xoli: We aren’t going to write your shit. Now run to your mama the principal!
(Mr C storms out, straight to the principal’s office).
Students: (Cheering) Yeah!
(The principal, Mrs Shower, is having tea on her messy office desk, nodding to her song playing loudly through her earphones. She has removed her green wig showing her hairless head. The wig is placed next to her cup of tea. Mrs Shower dips her slice of bread in her tea as Mr C walks in without knocking).
Mrs Shower: Gasp! (Startled and flings her dipped bread onto Mr C’s face).
Mr C: Ouch! You’re frying my face!
Mrs Shower: What are you doing here? You scared me!
Mr C: (Removes the bread from his face and drops it back inside the tea) They are back at it again. Can you believe that?
Mrs Shower: (Removes her earphones) What the hell are you doing? I’m still drinking that.
Mr C: Oh, sorry, I didn’t realize.
Mrs Shower: You were saying? Whose back at it again?
Mr C: My students are back at their madness again. They are refusing to write the test I set for them.
Mrs Shower: Oh Lord! What’s wrong with these kids? But you know what?
Mr C: What?
Mrs Shower: Spank their ass. (Pulls the drawer and takes out a 30 cm ruler) Here! Go spank them!
Mr C: But…
(Mrs Shower had already put back her loud earphones).
Mr C: OK. (Doubtfully).
(It’s late evening. Mr C has just arrived in his empty, lifeless house. He walks into the sitting room and tosses his bag on the sofa).
Mr C: (Let out a deep worn out sigh) Damn.
(He sits silent for a moment, then suddenly picks the remote up to switch on the TV). [
The man on television: Are you tired of being single? Do you need a companion? Do you need a friend? We’re here to help you. Get yourself a purple puppy, a red bull dog or green cat. Trust me, it will keep you busy every second. Even when you’re singing in the bathroom, it will be there listening to your beautiful voice. Now, your singing skills won’t go to waste because…
(He switches off the TV)
Mr C: What the hell?
(He rests his head onto the sofa and suddenly something crosses his mind. He runs to the kitchen and pulls the drawer and comes across a dog advertising paper written: “Get Eternal Protection From A Dog!” He smiles).
Mr C: Protection? That’s exactly what I need from those mad idiots at school.
(It’s Wednesday morning. Mr C pulls up his blue ford van at the parking space in the school grounds. He steps outside the car with his leashed red sprayed dog. He adjusts his red sunglasses and walks towards the staffroom. Students drop whatever they are doing and “wow” at him, he “wow’s” back and they laugh. He disappears into the staffroom and teachers are shocked. He greets but no one responds.
Mrs Shower is brushing her wig on her office desk. Mr C enters without knocking and Mrs Shower drops a mirror on her hand and her screams fill the entire air in the school grounds.
Five minutes later, all the teachers are holding a meeting about Mr C’s dog. The gardener, Mr Gumede, is pressing the dog’s head against the table, an Axe is placed by its head. Mrs Shower is standing next to it while Mr C is standing behind them).
Mrs Shower: Everybody agrees that we cannot have a red dog running between our legs all day, right?
Teachers: Yes, we don’t want it.
Mrs Shower: OK then. Mr Gumede, you can now slit its throat.
Mr C: (Intervenes)Woah! OK guys. I’ll take it back home now. If that’s what you want.
Mrs Shower: OK, Mr Gumede, you can leave it.
(Mr Gumede leaves the room. The dog jumps down and every teacher panics and screams).
Teachers: Hold the dog!
Mr C: What?
(The dog starts barking and every teacher, including the principal, runs outside the school gate, leaving Mr C and his dog in the room. He peeps through the window and laughs, turning to his dog).
Mr C: Well done buddy! Great job! Now let’s go and solve those idiots in my seventh grade class.(They leave).
(Mr C approaches towards his classroom and realises that the classroom door is closed. He knocks several time and no one responds. He pushes the door open and finds no one in the classroom).
Mr C What the hell… Those idiots left? (He sits on the chair at the back, resting his feet on the table and lets out a relieved sigh while his dog sniffs around the classroom). Guess who’s the king now? It’s me baby! Yes, me! Mr Charles. I’m the king!
(His dog glares at him and starts growling)
Mr C: What now?
(The dog runs towards him. He jumps up and runs over the desks until he makes an exit. Now the dog is chasing after him in the streets. They finally disappear around the corner).
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