I was in grade 10 when I met Smanga on Facebook. We started on a friend-zone and eventually we developed to a relationship. Everything with him was -dope – his compliments, completed me. I felt very special and really beautiful. I nicknamed soon registered him ‘My King’ and I was his Queen.
My best buddy, Nana warned me about him.
“Olwethu, chomie, how can you really trust someone you’ve never met? What if it is a scam?” She said. I was furious with her so I accused her of being jealous. I blocked our friendship on social media and avoided her socially life.
Suddenly, my attitude towards everything and to everyone changed. I felt like education must fall. I started bunking class and spending more time with Smanga. I was still full as a full moon when we with intimacy. He was ecstatic about it. I felt wonderful about it too. I had shared my pride with the man who made me proud.
After three months, he asked me to move in with him. I agreed without hesitation. I left mama crying about her only daughter at in our tiny shack.
“Olwethu my baby! Please don’t do this to me. I beg of you,” my mother pleaded. I didn’t bother. Who was her she to direct me when we both knew I was more like her?. She had me when she was sixteen – like mother like daughter… Right?
My absenteeism from school became major until I was suspended. Smanga and I decided it would be better if I dropped out from of school.
“I’ll always take care of you, Olwethu,” he promised me and I believed him.
Everything seemed to flow. Paviallion mall was our addiction. We had a lot of fun. Until things took a wrong turn,. I saw a hidden side of him.
It was winter, I’ll never forget those days.
One freezing morning, I woke up filling feeling a little bit dizzy and funny. My stomach turned and I vomited. I told Smanga about it later that day when he came home. He said maybe it was something I ate. It happened again when he brought brought us umgxabhiso for supper. I couldn’t handle the smell, I gagged. He suggested that I must go to the clinic. I took his advice and went. I took two tests; a pregnancy and HIV test. They both confirmed positive!
I was devastated, but I comforted myself., I knew Smanga would understand. After all, this burden I was carrying was his too.
Later that evening, I delivered the news to him. The wind was wild outside, threatening to blow off the entire roof of our shack. His actions caught me off guard – worse than a tornado. He blew me with his words by, accusing me of contaminated him with the disease. I was puzzled! How could I? I had been nothing but loyal and faithful to him. He kicked me out of his house and said I was a brainless slut. He could never be the father of my baby. I was welcome to keep it or abort it.
I was confused and had no where to go. I slept on in a municipality pipe the pipe that icy night revising my whole life. I thought of mama, how I broke her heart. She used to tell me how important education is was and to be an independent woman.
“Olwethu, my angel, study hard so you can be the better me,”, she encouraged… I was weeping the whole night and prayed to God, -something I had never done before.- I did swear swore to Him that I would do to be better.
The next morning, I dragged myself and headed home like a prodigal daughter. – In fact, I was a prodigal daughter. – I had this video clip in my mind of; It my mother running towards me in slow motion and I runme running towards into her too. We would embracing embrace each other with raining tears in our eyes.:
Little did I know it was going to be vice-versa. I’m the one who embraced her in the a coffin filled with my eyes filled with tears and regrets. She couldn’t see or hear my apologies.! It was her funeral. She was diabetic and after I left she struggled to keep a balance on her health until it took her life away.
My mother’s words had stuck to me: ‘you “You can be the better than me”. I still hear them as I’m struggling to raise my twin girls, uneducated and unemployed.
Tell us what you think: Why do you think young girls keep falling in this trap with men?