I sat in the congregation looking directly at the pastor who was busy preaching. Honestly speaking, my eyes were on the pastor but my attention was on my crush, Yellow Sisi. She had captured my heart since the day I bumped into her at the market square. I made sure I followed her till finally I made headway in my ‘follow-up’ ministry. Yellow Sisi was very beautiful and well blessed with ikebe (big bums), I must confess. God must’ve created her on a Sunday.

I was glad when church ended ‘cos honestly there was nothing the pastor preached that entered my coconut head. I walked towards Yellow Sisi, thank God I was wearing a nice pair of ‘borrowed’ Italian shoes, courtesy of Mallam Musa, with a black suit, courtesy of one Ijebu Ode. Thank God for my small monkey tie and pair of swag glasses. I was smelling fresh, thanks to Mama Iyabo for lending me her perfume.

“Hi beauty,” I tried to start a conversation and she replied. Soon we were getting chatty and boom, we exchanged numbers. That was how Yellow Sisi came into my life.

I knew how much I suffered before getting Yellow Sisi. There was no way I would attend church otherwise, but because of a woman, I attended weekly activities, fasted six to six, joined prayer band and forcefully became a devoted worker. I had sleepless nights to attend vigil, all to make sure I always see my Yellow Sisi.

The suffer I pass through ehn, mhen nobi for here, but las las I finally get her. (The suffering I went through was too much but at last, I finally got her)

Yellow Sisi soon asked me what I did for a living. I told her I am an estate development agent, while I did bricklaying for an estate. Sha, well it was all part of estate development, right? That was when the demanding started: today cream, tomorrow hair, next recharge card.

I was like, “Na wetin I do na?” (what did I do?)

It got to the point that I had to starve to meet up with Yellow Sisi’s demands, but that only aggravated issues and I couldn’t bring myself to tell her my real occupation.

To add salt to injury, Yello Sisi informed me that she was pregnant. And thank God I had marked the date of the last time we had done the ‘thing’. I discovered that she had been playing an ‘away’ match. I saw that as an opportunity to free myself from the heavy yoke, but Yellow Sisi didn’t want to give up. So I finally gathered my bags and relocated to another town.

I’ve learnt my lesson to never live a fake life again.


Tell us: Why is it bad to lie about your life?