It’s so sad how the lockdown has impacted many people’s social lives and has affected their mental and emotional state. Including my life.

It was just a random day I was doing the usual, studying, but I could feel that something was wrong. I knew that I couldn’t go on studying, but I suppressed the feeling. Later I realised that I was under a lot of pressure. I had disconnected from my best friend, he probably got bored of me texting every day. My social life died in that instant.

For the first time in my life, it was as if I could feel my soul. It was very heavy. I had this overwhelming feeling, I couldn’t explain it. I tried to talk about it but it never went away. I knew that I need a break from all the exerted pressure. I needed a break from my normal environment. I needed a break from the people I surrounded myself with every day and I needed to distance myself from fake childhood friends, but that’s a story for another day.

The question was where and how can I hush my crying soul? Wednesday morning I decided to pack my bag with my clothes. I called my grandma to let her know that I’m coming this afternoon to stay for a few days. It was the first time I spoke to my grandmother with no excitement at all. She asked me if I was okay and I said yes but it was as if she could feel that I was not okay. After I hung up, I asked myself if it was okay to not feel okay, the answer was yes.

When I arrived at my grandmother’s place, I swear everything seemed to be at ease. I couldn’t feel a little bit of weight was lifted off my shoulders. Though I was not fully okay, I was just there at my grandparents place and everything just felt so right and made sense. I’m happy to know that my grandma always knows the things that makes me happy, though we don’t have much I always appreciate whatever she makes for me, from food to everything else, she tries her best. But most importantly, her prayers, that I appreciate the most and making me believe in God and asking for guidance from God and teaching me to read the bible and pray, so that I can grow spiritually.

I may always seem to be in high spirits but sometimes I fall and backslide in life. It happens and it shows that I’m human. I gain strength in what brings me down to prevail and rise above challenges in the midst of my chaos. My name is Thato, I’m all sorts crazy. “Life is fun when you’re crazier.”

I didn’t fall I was just spending quality time with the floor.

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