When I am older I leave behind the pain of my youth. When I am older I leave behind my past pain, all the fake friends and the unnecessary fights; I leave them all behind with no questions being asked.
Maybe when I am older I can start my own path with no judgement faced, with my emotions in check and my heart unbreakable. Maybe when I am older I will learn what true love is, and get to find myself even more in tune with my spiritual being; having a stronger bond with God and accepting my demons so that my angels can guide them to the right direction.
Someday, maybe someday, I’ll know the true meaning of trials and tribulations for I always say that I go through the most when I have forgotten that I have not yet finished living. I will leave behind all those suicidal nights and emotional times I went through alone, telling everybody around me that I was okay when I knew I was not. I will leave behind a fragile shell of myself and I will find a new one for this one had gotten old for me to live in. I have gotten the concept that it is indeed okay to move on.
I will leave behind every criticism of how I wore my clothes, to how I laughed. I will leave behind a masked smile because I would not need it anymore, I would put on a natural and organic smile for my smile is brighter than diamonds. I will leave behind an old friend I called insecurities because she has overstayed her welcome, she has taken advantage of my vulnerability and I cannot in any circumstances allow her to continue.
I will leave behind my fears of not speaking my mind or not pulling up my socks, or being spoken of if I did not behave in ‘my own organic vibe’. I will leave behind all the ‘she’s too ugly to be witchu’ comments or the ‘she is doing this because…’ snarky comments; the confidence tearing and the perfections I tried forcing for I am an imperfection self.
I will leave behind all the hurting yourself, you’re too fat and ugly comments. I will leave behind the days I told myself you cannot do this only to make it, the you’re one ugly girl to I am beautiful. Sigh.
Maybe when I am older I will forgive myself for the false confidence I gave myself. Maybe when I am older I will forgive myself for allowing myself to be fooled, not once but twice by the people I have trusted; it was not my younger self’s fault for believing in the wrong people.
Maybe, just maybe, I might go through all of this ten times worse. Maybe I will forgive myself for not loving my half tooth because apparently I looked cute, but it was not my own fault, it was my insecurities fault, allowing everybody’s comments on my physical appearance led me to doubting myself.
What I leave behind are fragments of me whether new or not, so to leave or not to leave that is the question. Well I’m pretty smart, I’ll figure it out when I cross that bridge, for I will leave behind my memories or I leave a reflection of my choices.
Tell us: When you’re older, what will you leave behind?