Surely almost everyone aged between eighteen and above is on a path of self-discovery. That is finding their purpose and knowing who and what they are in life. The path is long and rough at times. It could make you grovel on your knees and pray for guidance with tears running down your cheeks; like water running down a waterfall. Trying to discover yourself whilst unsure of the path you’re in is what makes things rockier.
The sun sets and rises with unanswered questions mounted on each other, day by day. Sometimes I feel as though my life has caved in, and liberation is a far destination for me to reach. Maybe one day I’ll reach it even though I feel like I’m pouring out my time into a bottomless cup.
The path I’m walking in is not mine. A mistake I made was to try turning someone else’s passion into my own. I don’t carry out the same drive as that person. Now I’ll have to live with that regret until death takes place in my life.
I took a fast decision without the thought that it would affect years of my life or in fact, the whole of it. A very wrong decision it was. Was I held captive in my head or maybe I was mentally unstable? I know not how to answer those questions as they always haunt me to sleep each night.
It feels as if I took someone’s sword only to put it into my own chest; suicide. I’m slowly approaching a dream that isn’t fully mine. It’s way too late to go back to the drawing board and start on a clean slate. Giving up is not an option in my head at all. I’m already in the middle of my path anyways, I might as well just continue with my destination.
Although my heart’s not fully into it, I too must remember that I made the decision on my own and it wasn’t at gunpoint. I just lacked knowledge of the path I was about to embark on. I still have no clue as to what I am, but soon enough I’ll know. That is an assurance to my heart and is kept locked inside.
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