Maybe if I allow myself the time to breathe then everything won’t seem threatening. Lately I have been scared. Scared for my life, for my family, for my future, scared from the inside out. I have been trying to come up with ways to calm down and believe that everything will be alright. But what if it won’t?
As a Christian, I should be equipped with faith, even when things before me are not convincing. I should have faith and hope an unpredictable life will miraculously change and be more comfortable and relaxing. But it hasn’t been that way ever since I was born. Now how do I have faith in something I haven’t felt?
Somebody needs to teach me how to have faith.
I’ve been crying in the corner, praying in tongues hoping to at least find a job if my mother can’t find one. She took me to school with the little money she didn’t have, yet look at me, struggling, sending CVs at the same time. How can I believe when I am barely surviving?
Young girls have turned to ‘slay queens’ and I have tried to avoid the life by getting my degree. They laughed at me and said it’s a waste of time. I said I would rather waste my time than give myself off to vultures who’ll consume my youth for material things. Yet look, these slay queens seem to be the ones living the life. I thought my qualifications would set me apart, but I seem lower than they are just because I chose to keep my pride and dignity. But why is life so unfair?
Somebody, please teach me how to have faith.
I wake up, look myself in the mirror in the morning, and all I see is potential. I go to the streets and look for a job, but all they see is what I don’t have. They mostly see desperation so they offer me their bedroom keys. They wear their suits as they lie to me, saying that’s all I need to survive. So I make the right choice because I love myself and walk away with an empty stomach, hoping one day the right door will open. I am starving for success yet they see me desperate and immediately undress me. Do they know I am fully clothed with my degree gown?
Teach me how to have faith before I self-destruct, suicide note already penned down. Someone tell me it will be alright and I won’t have to lose my dignity.
What would you say to the writer to give them hope?