Everything seemed to be good between us. Love was there but something was holding it back. We knew each other for a long time and even spent a year in the same school. Even so, we never really spent time together. I can say we met less than 20 times since our forbidden love took root. This kind of love is the love that exists between me and her. There is a special kind of feeling about it. For her it exists like the weather, changing time after time. Maybe she is confused. I think I am stuck on her like a nail on a finger.
Though I might not be the one for her, I know she is the one for me. My own faith can’t help me; my love is strong but still not strong enough to get her to believe me. My friends say we are crazy enough to do anything. I can’t help hoping that she feels the same. I love it when she says “I love you more”. This is the kind of love that can build a new family. It can bring light, joy, and happiness by joining our lives together. I once told her boyfriend that I would keep on trying. She is mine even when she is with someone else. Inside the book of my love life she is the one.
She can reject me; I can love her more. She can love me; I can be the one. She can push me away; I can run away with her. She can be confused; I can confess my love for her. She doesn’t want to hurt me; I want to know what it feels like. She says I deserve better, then I should get her. She says she changes like a chameleon; I say change is good. She is shy; I am ashamed to lose her. She asks me if I’ll let her go; I say I will let her go with me. She says she loves me but can’t be with me; I say she is already with me. She hates the fact that she loves me; I love the fact that she can’t run away from it. We are just not meant for each other. She is the one for me, while I am not the one for her. It is painful.
After a few months of going on like this I found out that I was the crazy one. While I had high hopes, nothing was real for her. She was just flirting around with me, my friends, and my brothers. I never thought I would go down the same road again. The pain was unbelievable and heart breaking. Who is she really into? I asked myself day after day. Each and every one of them claims that she is into them. I didn’t know what was what, but I knew that they were better than me.
I made an effort to talk to her. She told me that she wasn’t interested in any of us. She was just trying to have fun. I was supposed to be angry at her, but I couldn’t be. She way just being herself. And she even had the guts to prove that she didn’t mean any harm. She was just a young, innocent girl who tried to understand how boys think. Or maybe one can say she even managed to play us in her own flirt-game. I understood her reason. What I couldn’t understand was why I always love without understanding the purpose of loving. Nothing was ever good and challenging like this love I thought I had. It was just a waste.
I had to take time to heal and become who I am now. I’m sure that I’m not a monster. I had just lost love for girls. I didn’t know if I could trust them in a relationship. They are all worthy of being my friends, but just friends, nothing more or less. The love that I had for her made her my best friend, someone who is worth spending a life time with. I now understand why she couldn’t be my girlfriend. I am not worth it. I always serve well as a friend, brother, and son but relationships are not my thing. “It is my life, my own words I guess,” as Eminem would say. I also can’t forget how emotional Adele’s hello is. I used to play it to forget my failure. Her best line is, “They say that time’s supposed to heal ya, But I ain’t done much healing.” Another line that spoke to me was, “To tell you I’m sorry for breaking your heart”. Adele has a way of connecting with broken hearts. It took me weeks to heal.
I never thought that I would be in love like that. Now I’m in love with my friend, someone who I will never date. There might be a lady out there for me, but that lady is not her or my ex-girlfriends.
Tell us: Have you ever been in love with someone who didn’t love you back? How did you get over them?