I looked around and couldn’t find anyone. I scrolled down the names in my contact list and still my search was in vain. I couldn’t find anyone I could tell my story to, without being judged or being given the “What the hell” type of look.
But truth is, I could really use a friend right now. I know you and I aren’t really friends and we don’t personally know each other, but you’re the only one I have.
So “Friend”, yesterday I finally received a text from Lwazi. You might not know him but he is the guy who broke my heart about a year ago. And every day for the past year I’ve been crying, wishing and praying that he would come back to me. Or at least send me a text. I know a year is a long time and a lot could happen during that time. But please dear friend, don’t think like them, don’t say I am crazy for holding on for so long.
See, this guy is the only one who really ever loved me for me, the only one who accepted me with all my flaws. He never made me feel like I needed to change anything about myself to be with him. Through loving and being loved by him, I became a better version of myself. And oh man, every day for the past 3 years that we were together, he sure made me feel like the luckiest woman to ever walk on earth.
I bet you’re wondering why things ended between us if they were so rosy and perfect. I wish I had an answer for you, but I don’t. I don’t really know what happened, but one day he woke up and he wasn’t the same anymore. Or maybe I wasn’t. But all I know is that he told me we weren’t working anymore. I won’t really be getting into details about that, but that was the day he broke my heart.
Turns out that dumping me wasn’t enough for him. He went on and put a nail on the coffin by sending me a text yesterday, telling me about his engagement to this girl I didn’t even care to ask who she was. Who she is, is of no use to me since clearly she is not me.
At that moment, though every organ inside of me was still perfectly intact to the body, it felt like my heart had been ripped out of my body. I couldn’t breathe. It was like my lungs had forgotten their function.
But I held it together, I couldn’t cry in front of them. I couldn’t scream or make a scene. Everything inside was screaming and shouting for help, comfort, reassurance that one day it will all be OK. So I carried on reading the text and the last part of it said: we’re pregnant. I am going to be a dad soon.
My world came crushing down, bulldozing every chance I thought I still had with him. Every piece of my heart that I tried to piece back together fell, sinking my soul. As painful as it is to hear those words from someone you’re madly in love with, it’s heart-breaking. But I still survived.
And today friend, I am writing this letter with a hole where my heart used to be. I still think that any minute from now I am going to wake up from this nightmare, and realise that none of this ever happened, that it was only a dream.
Tell us what you think: Have you loved someone this much? How you get over them?