In the middle of the nights. Deep asleep peacefully. As we were. Dogs started barking from a distance. We would be awake for a moment listening cautiously, is it him? Is it not? Wondering.

Toxic lover, wherever you are, don’t you dare try that with nobody. Who deserves that hate? Not a single soul alive should come across that, fearing someone that should love them, kissing them. Someone that was meant to be their pillar of strength but no,

it’s the toxic lover. Remorselessly, carelessly trying to take your breathe and life away from you. It brutally hurts, stop it now. You are no good for my heart. You keep on tearing it apart. Chopping it down while it bleeds from words of discouragement.

All I did was take care of you. Your home. I cooked well-prepared meals for you, for us. Showed you that I cared for you. I’ve been honest and loyal to you, I never lied to you. But you kept on accusing me of cheating. But why would you treat me this way? With tears falling down. 

Toxic love. Then I remembered such moments as if they were yesterday. You really came clean about how you felt about me. That I was nothing to you. Like an insect that you could just destroy anyhow whenever you felt like it. Sometimes I would pack my bags leaving you. But with that poisonous venomous tongue luring me back to his hell. And stupidly I stayed, blinded.

You were like a disease to me that kept coming back to my mind needing a dose. No, I don’t need that. I just need away from you. Now I am leaking in and out with my wounds that nobody knows about. I’ve protected you for so long. You played and used me aggressively, now look, here I am struggling to love again, struggling to be whole again and heal.

Toxic love, stay away from me. I don’t need you in my life no more. I sometimes wish the winds could blow you away again and never come back. Carry on, carry on being blown, kept far from me. There’s not even a single day I laughed with you. You made me feel worthless and useless without you and I hate you for that. I just wish again you would just vanish. Every time thoughts cross my mind with you in them I feel my stomach running and grumpy, filled with pain and anger that you caused in my life.

I hope nobody sees this, it’s so embarrassing. But deep down it’s honestly how I feel about you. You cruelly slowly tried to destroy me. Thank God I am still here standing. Get going. And I wish you just never find the way until…

Toxic, chronic you were in my life. What you gave me was just not even love. It was something far from affection. Which is why I won’t say goodbye.


Tell us: What is the definition of toxic love to you?