I called. I called six times in a row and it just rang, rang, rang, and rang. No one answered. The tears on my cheeks just ran dry. The voice-over said the lines were too busy. Aren’t I important like others? On the 2nd of July 2021, I called SADAG and the suicide crisis helpline and no one answered. I was at my lowest but no one answered.

I was sad and mad at the world. I couldn’t keep it in me any more. I just couldn’t. But they didn’t answer. They lied to us, “If you would like to speak to someone, people are waiting to take your call, South African Depression and Anxiety Group 0800 567 567, Suicide Crisis Helpline 0800 12 13 14.”

However, they didn’t answer. I decided to carry on with my initial thoughts. I drank my grandmother’s pills, 43 to be specific. I retreated to my bedroom. All because I needed an ear and no one in my life seemed to care. I thought they would. But they didn’t answer.

It’s OK. I don’t blame them, sibaninzi and sifuna uncedo. But they lied to us. Here I am, I didn’t die. I don’t know what to make of that. I was scared of trying to end my life and maybe if they had answered, I wouldn’t have gone through all the trauma. Yes, I’m tired of life but the coward in me refuses to end it. I’m sorry. I just can’t help but blame them. They lied to us and said they’d be there when we needed them but they weren’t.

Maybe it was my bad luck but mna, as Anelisa, on my worst day they didn’t come through for me and it’s OK. One day when I’m serious they’ll come through and it’ll be too late but it’s OK like I said. Till next time.

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Tell us: When you were at your lowest who was there for you?