She looked strong, as if nothing phased her. Her brief smiles and introverted personality covered a story of shame. Her mind had found a way to store scars, new and old. She hid them so no one could see her pain. She appeared to be strong-willed and happy, but it was just a facade of the broken being she really was. She wouldn’t let anyone in, she didn’t want to be fixed. Her life was hers alone and she would win the war she battled singlehandedly.
There was a time when she was sure she was happy. It all seems so distant now though. Her family had abandoned her, not one cared enough for her. The only one who really cared, her grandfather, was no longer there. God had left her defenceless with the odds stacked against her. She had lost her sense of belonging when her parents got divorced. She chose her father, even though the two of them were not blood related. He was a father to her all her life, although at times he was harder on her than he was on her brother.
She was a challenging child to raise, she did well in school but at home she seemed to chase a losing streak. She was naughty, as most children are, but her punishment was far more extensive compared to her friends. Her father would hit her with shoes, wooden spoons, cricket bats -anything within reach. That caused her to not do well in school, it just broke her more. When she started smoking cigarettes and her father found out, he beat her so hard, then made her eat the cigarette. She never felt that much humiliated before. Yet, she still chose him, she loved him that much. Then one day he left taking her brother with him. She was left behind…
She became very rebellious once placed in her mother’s care. The relationship between them was very hostile, it had been broken for too long. She could see that she was a burden, baggage rather, in her mother’s new life. Her new husband made it clear that he didn’t want her around and her mother made her feel it too. She couldn’t cope, she felt like she was drowning in her life. Why did God put her in these situations, what did he want her to prove?
Her only way of coping was to experiment with drugs, it was her solace away from the dark cloud hanging over her life. She found comfort in something that was not her. When her mother found her high, she gave up on her daughter. She threw her clothes into a rubbish bag and dumped her at her grandparents’ house. It’s as if her mother had been waiting for a day like that, she could finally go back to her perfect new family without the burden of her past around. And where better for her to go than to her grandmother, this was after all where it all had begun.
Her grandfather welcomed her, he knew she had crossed a rocky path and he chose not to judge her mistakes. He was glad she was “home”. Not everyone was as welcoming though. Her heart had taken so many knocks, her body didn’t want to keep fighting. From a young age she had been tossed around, not really wanted anywhere. So, when she found a guy who loved her and that wanted to be with her forever, she couldn’t understand it. She had been broken down in her life so many times that she had lost hope. But here he was, someone who would stay, he wouldn’t abandon her. Her grandfather hadn’t abandoned her, he had found someone who could care for her the way he had. He had found her someone who would protect her.
Her war is far from over, maybe had just begun. Her scars are a reminder of what she has overcome. She should not be pitied for she has no regrets in her life. Everything is as it should be. She believes God has a purpose for her and she won’t let anyone stand in the way of her destiny. To others she is just another girl, but to herself….she is a conqueror.