Kenzaburō Ōe, once said: “The fear of blindness created a moment’s vacuum, serving as a relaxant for my exhausted and overheated brain.”

We used to be friends, even vowed not to be separated by any obstacle we come across in life, but hey life happens. Now you seem to have found another. You are the one-person I knew and trusted that you cared, but here I am, alone with my desires and the most silent cries.

You have become like most people that don’t care, you no longer see the tears on my face. You have become one of them and together you cannot hear my silent cries, nor sense the very deepest fears. Oh how I pray for the day you realise that you have lost me. Maybe this story will serve as a goodbye note to you my dear friend, for you did not value our friendship.

Perhaps our friendship got buried the day we went to bury her. I can’t help but to think maybe she was the glue to the friendship because now we remain people who happen to know each other and share memories. Yes our friendship might have ended but please play the role you are obliged to play and be responsible.

I feel lost in a world full of people, all alone in the company of millions. I am surrounded by people yet I’m all alone. They do not see the teardrops which cut right through to the bone. The silent cries that are a longing escape to a safer and better place. I’m lost for words, tears flowing down my cheeks.

Will my face ever see the brightness in the shining sun for all I hold is this anger seething within my heart. What pains the most is they cannot feel this pain that is slowly breaking me apart. What brings about fumes in my heart is that you, I once called friend above other relations, do not feel the pain I feel.

Even though my cries are silent, I will always hear your voice though you do not speak. Trust in the love you seek. I will forever be here to help you for in my love you can rely. The pillow has become my friend that does not judge me. At night I cry, but there is no one to hear, no-one to listen to that dream I hold dear, except my pillow.

My silent cries – the most painful tears. Now I understand when Caprice said “A silent cry screams louder but most people aren’t listening.”

Cherish your relations, do not let the death of one be the end of relationships, live for their memories. Friendships are golden, I hope you would realise that one day. In my heart you remain.

The silent cry of heart, no one knows it, my tears may shatter but my dreams won’t. I end this with a quote from my favourite icon Martin Luther King Jr. “In the end, we will remember not the words of our enemies but the silence of our friends.”

In memory of my queen, my very own mother who taught me the value of friendship. Lala ngoxolo Mama.


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