Looking in the cracked mirror, blood dripping from my lips and nose, he gave me one blue eye — this time I’m lucky. I have become so accustomed to the abuse, the violence and the rape, yet I can never accept this. I wonder to myself when will this hell come to an end. The distant memory of my mother is a blur, her long black hair, blue eyes and single dimple on her left cheek is a faint image in my memory; we had the exact same appearance. People often joked that we were sisters as opposed to mother and daughter. However, how can I ever forget that the devil I’m staying with was the cause of her death. The memory of my mother is my distant past, a joy and happiness that died the day my mother died.

“Jessica!” he screamed as he came in the bathroom holding a beer bottle in his hand. He took his final sip from the bottle before throwing it on the floor. “Come here your whore, who said I’m done with you,” continued my father as he grabbed me by my hair. “Not this shit again, come on!” he continued to scream as I put up a struggle, which was always in vain.

The strength of this monster was too much for me and I fell yet again in his clutches. Dragging me to his room by the hair, I kick and flail violently breaking the many bottles scattered around the dilapidated house we live in. Momentarily I escape as pieces of my hair got ripped from my head. I try to run into the bathroom but to no avail as I’m caught again. Picking me up, this time he made sure I would not escape as he throws me onto the very bed my mother once slept in.

I would always put up a struggle even though I knew the result would make him angry but I didn’t care. Laying on the bed while this monster beats me to a bloody pulp, I lay dazed in a semi-conscious state. He began to ravage me like the monster that he is. Rape is already a taboo but what kind of taboo is it when you rape your own daughter? There was no-one to ever answer my questions.

At times I believe God himself had forsaken me. Needless to say that never will I play the role of a victim for my true strength was evident. Even though I could not control the rape from my father, I always could say no to it.


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