They say when life throws lemons your way, use them to make a lemonade. I used mine to make a toxic concoction!

I used to live a blissful life. I was happy with my mother. I was just a teenager then. I was very rebellious, doing things impulsively. I lost out on my life due to worldly things. I regret not being attentive when I was being reprimanded. I turned my life into turmoil.

The root of my problems was being in a relationship with my teacher, and befriending the wrong crowd. I didn’t know that had dire consequences. I started to lose friends when the world started crumbling at my feet.

I ended up losing the most important aspect of my life: my mother. I guess the shock was too much for her to contain; finding out that her daughter had been with a man old enough to be her father. She didn’t want to show me the hurt and disappointment I brought her, I could see it in her eyes. I had failed her!

I got distracted in the whole process, I started to slack in my studies. I no longer enjoyed school. It was the only place that reminded me of my mistakes. I got judged by teachers, learners and the resentment was too great for me to bear. I lost interest in studying, ended up failing my matric.

As each day passed, I could no longer recognise the person I had turned into. I loathed myself. I started feeling sad for weeks, months. I thought about what a failure I was, and suicidal thoughts kicked in. I overdosed a few times but that didn’t do the trick, I mutilated still feeling disdained.

I hope one day I will learn to love myself again. I hope to become a better person. To make myself proud and those who still believe in me to arise above my problems. I have learnt never to give up on myself based on the mistakes I have made in the past. The only way is to learn from them and do better next time.


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