According to SADAG statistics, in SA there are 23 suicides a day recorded and 230 serious attempts. 23 deaths to suicide a day, which makes it 161 deaths a week. This should be not only alarming but be considered as a pandemic because world wide, WHO has reported an approximately 800 000 people die to suicide every year. But I will stop with the counting. The question is what happens with the 230 serious suicide attempts? What do we do to ensure that all the necessary help is given to avoid other attempts?

When an individual attempts a non-fatal suicide, they don’t only suffer from an outward result such as hospitalisation, lack of empathy from a nurse who complains about wasting the resources as a result of a stupid decision, disappointing friends and family. In an unfortunate situation, injuries. But they also have to deal with the inward result such as what we call survivor’s guilt.

There are differing responses from survivors. As the Canadian Mental Health Association Article states, “Some experience happiness because they survived the suicide attempt and are now determined to find meaning in their lives and get the help they need. Some may feel anger for being alive, while others feel guilt or shame, thinking that they have let others down.” The guilt grows as they think about the pain they would have put their loved ones through. And if not processed in a healthy way, this guilt and shame only eat them up, causing another mental breakdown.

In 2017, I tried to commit suicide by standing on a busy road to jumping off a balcony, but with no success. I was determined to find a solid plan and set a date where no one would interrupt my plan. In all truth, I didn’t want to die but rather end the pain. This was the result of sexual assault, emotional abuse, gas lighting and labeling from my guardian at the time. And on the date set, I was fetched out of the place I called home for more than 6 years as if I was being kidnapped. Although leaving that home came with a lot of threats and insults, I was glad I came out alive.

But things didn’t suddenly become all heaven. After a couple of months with my second guardian, the emotional abuse began to replay and before I knew it I found myself in that dark spot again. A spot where suicide seem to be the only solution.

Due to my faith and belief, I felt like God would save me like he did and I wanted to work through the suicidal thoughts. But before I knew it, my classmate died from suicide. It shocked the whole grade, no one saw that coming…and while everyone mourned for her, I was drowning in guilt.

How could you cry, why would you care? Did you think of the pain you would have caused your friends…why would you even be angry at her when you wanted to do the same thing? The voices in my head got louder and louder, leaving no room for me to grieve my classmate. As Mackenzie Reagan stated, “The whole time…I felt the guilt weighing on me like a boulder,” in her article ‘I feel guilty for surviving my suicide attempt.’

I got home, shared the news about my classmate’s death in detail with my roommate. I needed to tell someone, I thought. But three month along the line I got back home from church on a normal Sunday. I find her lying on the bed. Not her usual self.

“Did you go out today?” I asked and got no response. There on the carpet laid a used glass, a black small plastic with a box inside. I quickly rushed to check it and there I was faced with my greatest fear. “Don’t tell me you drank this?” I screamed.

“Does it matter?” she mumbled.

I ran out of the room, told her dad and stepmother. They called the ambulance. “Did you notice any difference in her behaviour, since you share the room…did she tell you about anything?” the nurse asked me. What could I have said? I don’t know, I think I gave her the idea by telling her about my classmate…or she wanted to speak to me the night before but I was drawing in my own depression and told her, I would listen in the morning? I was exhausted and angry but mostly, my guilt grew even bigger. She got hospitalized for a few days and was discharged. We thanked god!

In addition to that, April 2020, I lost my friend to suicide. A week before the incident we talked about his scholarship. I remember telling him how talented he was in Art that involved dancing, singing and acting. He was so excited to work during his gap year and make some cash. But he was gone before he could do any of that.

Suicide is real and not an action for attention. Survivor’s guilt is real too. How do we care for the non fatal suicide suvivors without neglecting our own needs?

As a friend or relative to the victim of fatal or non-fatal suicide attempts, be present and acknowledge your feelings too. You might feel betrayed, angry or guilty for not seeing the signs and that’s okay. Be a listening ear and talk about suicide without judgement. There is a myth that says talking about suicide makes people more likely to attempts it. This is false. Talking about it makes people more likely to open up, hence getting the necessary help.

Remember, you are not there to solve their problems but rather a hand they can hold while trying to navigate their way through the dark. And maybe sometimes they will not and that’s okay, but it has nothing to do with you.