I couldn’t sleep that night; my irrational thoughts wouldn’t let me. I stood up and looked outside my window. It was a beautiful night indeed. The moon was out and as I looked into the horizon, I could see distant objects in different shades of black.
There was something about that night, it was calm and tranquil. Its beauty reminded me of someone. I looked up at the stars and as I stared at them, they formed an image of her. Her smile sparkled in the deep, black sky.
Whenever she was next to me I didn’t have the courage to look into her eyes. There was just something about the way she looked at me that made me lose all control and power. She came to my room earlier that day, maybe that’s why I was thinking about her so much. I could still feel her presence, the smell of her perfume and the warmth of her skin on my fingertips.
I was angry at myself, there were many things I didn’t say while she was next to me. She came, we talked and whenever she looked away I would steal glances at her. I had an angel in my room. I knew this and it scared me. Her beauty was indescribable; her body was art itself. Her voice just pure magic and when she spoke I felt every word. There was never silence, we spoke about anything and everything.
I would make fun of her just to see her smile. I was happy. It was my first time alone with her and I wanted to feel every moment. I knew seeing her again would be unlikely. She rarely left home and was protected. I don’t blame her parents, I would give my life for her.
Two hours passed and it was time for her to leave.
She looked at me, I stared at her. I knew she wanted me to say something, I felt it. I was scared to say it so I let the moment pass. She headed towards the door. With all the courage I could gather, I pulled her towards me and held her in my arms. I felt her heart beat as I took in her perfume. I shouldn’t have let her go.
As I walked her home, half of me was dead. Hollow and empty. I knew I made a mistake. She said goodbye and I stood and watched her disappear between houses.
I knew I did something wrong, there was something I left behind. As I walked away I realised something. She was never mine. Maybe she deserved better, maybe I was not good enough for her. But she was never mine to love.
Tell us: Did you ever have to let go of someone that you really loved?