As I put on the makeup I noticed I was crying, this situation was above my shoulders. I couldn’t take this anymore. Things were getting from bad to worse.

I could already predict the future; the year was going to be a long, tough year. Maybe 2015 was not really my year. As I looked in the mirror I could see him walking through our bedroom door. He looked perfect, a saint; a loving and caring man. But I know him, I have been married for three years with him

Three years of hell.

Most people did not really like the fact that I was getting married at the age of nineteen. They warned me, giving me endless lectures. I could still hear my aunt Dudu’s voice, “Le nyalo ase papadi,” meaning marriage is not a game. I wish I could turn back the time.

“Are you going to sit there the whole day? Stand up go to the kitchen, take my cup and make me coffee.” He said with a big smile. I knew he was faking it.

“I’m still busy,” I replied with a weird look.

“What? Are you going on a date? Why do you put makeup on, on a Tuesday?” I could not stand his presence so I just held my head high and went straight to the kitchen.

In grade 8, I was fourteen. I fell in love with this handsome guy: tall, dark skinned, with small brown eyes. He was everything a girl could ever dream of. He was a born-again Christian and he was more active at school, played soccer and was in the debating team. My dream was to go to Varsity and study Psychology. I was so passionate about learning about human behaviour. I did well at school, passed with few distinctions in matric but because I was drunk in love I never chased my dream.

I made a vow, got to marry Siya, my high school sweetheart. We went to the same church. We made our relationship official to our parents and pastor. The pastor arranged a wedding for us.

We were so excited, loved the idea of getting married though most people did not like the idea. This whole thing was about us, so listening to other people was not an option.

As I lay on the bed I was thinking of what he had said earlier this morning. He mentioned that it was time for us to have a family. I am not ready to be a mom anytime soon. I can’t imagine myself carrying a baby, hell no! I will never have a baby at my age I am twenty-one for God’s sake. Siya is moving too fast He really needs to slow down.

Siya never spends quality time with me, it’s always about his friends, they always come first and I am last on his priority list.

The other night he came back at 20:34 He was early, he was probably broke or his friend Jabu had gone to his Sugar Mama in Sandton.

“What did you cook for supper?” he asked throwing his bag on the couch and sat next to me.

“Hello, baby how was your day at work?” I asked facing him with anger.

“I do not have time for this, give me my food,”

Tonight I’m standing up for myself, I think to myself, its time I raised my voice in this house.

“Shut up and listen to me carefully, I’m no longer going to be your slave, Siya. Just because you are working that does not mean you should treat me like a loser, I am your wife OK!” I said convincingly. I could see he was surprised by my behaviour because he knew I am always submissive.

“You eat my food, stay in my house, you are nothing, do you hear me? I own you, so you don’t have a say in my house. What can a house wife possibly do except cooking and cleaning? That’s your job lady!” He shouted

I’m sure he wanted the whole world to hear and I bet they did. He continued shouting, “Give me a damn child and maybe I will take you seriously.”

I could not take his assaults anymore so I just went straight to our bedroom.

The next day I visited my mother to get some moral support but that didn’t go so well.

Maybe visiting my mom was a mistake. I was telling her about my problems in my marriage and all she could say was “bekezela, I am sure your husband will change. Give it time.” I left there more confused. My Mom was telling me to hang on, did she even know that early this year I caught Siya in bed with a girl from our church? The pastor’s daughter, I couldn’t believe it.

Pastor’s daughter would act all so innocent but had guts to back stab me! Was my mother even aware that Siya had a two year old son with another woman? I have married a snake, dog and a monster. I hated him.

“Mom, I think I made a mistake by getting married at an early age. I want a divorce!” I said with tears in my eyes.

“Listen baby, do not try to embarrass us, what will the pastor say what about the community? Do you want to be a laughing stock? You are not divorcing your husband like it or not. You made a vow in front of thousands of people; you will finish what you have started. You and Siya will be separated by death.”

My Mom had pride and was always thinking about what people will say.

My best friend came by to pay a visit at my house. We had such an amazing time together. Tumi was a 3rd year student at Varsity studying Psychology. She helped me fill in the application forms for admission for 2016. We both had high hopes that I would be admitted since I met the minimum requirements.

I had already made up my mind I was ending things with Siya. He is nothing but a loser full of games, I thought to myself, he is just hiding his personality behind a bible. But I know him He is a cruel human being.

Siya did not come back the other night. I was not surprised; he had done this a million times. I had made the right decision, no one will stop me, I thought to myself as I slept. Tomorrow I would call for a family meeting plus Siya was not working the next day and I could deal with his parents then. I thought as I lay in my cold bed alone.

I was woken by Siya’s loud noise, busy shouting my name, oh! He was drunk .Things were going to get bitter. If he was not going to assault me then definitely I was going to be his punching bag.

“Hey open the bloody door, this is my house,” he shouted. I had no choice but to go open the door for him. “What took you so long to open the door? Are you hiding someone in here, talk to me?” he pushed me down the floor and went straight to our bedroom to check if there was no one. I followed him trying to tell him I was all alone but all he did was to punch me with his fist.

I fell down on the floor and he continued to kick me. I don’t remember what happened next. I woke up midday at 14:30 I had an important meeting with the family.

I explained everything Siya did to me. Everyone was shocked, my sister got angry that she even slapped Siya. She could not stand him; just looking at him got her even angrier.

“You wasted her time, treating her like trash. Who do you think you are? A king? God? You will regret the day you were born .No one messes with my sister and gets away with it,” she said shaking and sweating.

The pastor could not even utter a single word, his daughter was the reason my marriage was falling apart. I could see through him: the disappointment and shame. He kept saying “This can be fixed. Don’t throw in the towel, we will give you marriage counselling.”

“I don’t need counselling, therapists and psychologists; I need this man out of my life.”

While the negotiations were still going on my sister and I were packing all of my clothes. I could not stop smiling, finally leaving this house of horror. Siya came to me with a long face, he wanted to cry but I didn’t care. I had wasted a lot of tears of love in vain.

“I’m sorry, please don’t leave me! I will change; I’m going to be the good man you want me to be. Give me a second chance, I promise I will treat you like a queen that you are.”

“Shut up okay, you ain’t getting a second chance, do you hear me! You should have thought of that before breaking my heart.”

The meeting was finally over Siya’s, parents were angry they could not look at me but they had to make peace with it. I was leaving their son for good. I was giving up on him; I was prepared to live a happy life without him. I was going to live my life to the fullest.

I was going to varsity the following year, I would make new friends and go clubbing, it had been my dream to go to a club and hopefully I would go. Plus I have no baby to look after; no longer married, finally free, it’s time for me to spread my wings and explore!

The End