I didn’t mean for things to turn this sour and I surely didn’t mean to cower. But I’ve been trying to be happy with certain things. I tried to show a smile but I know you could gather in a mile that it was more like a frown. You gave me a crown and told me I’m your queen but baby these thoughts have been ruling me, steady ruining my self-esteem. I want to tell you my love that there’s nothing you could’ve done to stop me from getting to this point.
It’s just that I’m at a point of no return and in turn I have this loaded gun by my side, ready to end it all. See I tried to keep up with the world but the world has been heavy on my shoulders. And I’m not strong enough to carry this weight of the world. I love you but depression is not loving me.
I know you must be tired of the belligerents in me. Remember the time I put my hands on you and I swore I’d never do it again, but I did? I’m sorry. I have demons in me but today I’m taking them to the grave with me.
Although I’m scared, living with anxiety is scarier. Carry on without me, don’t you ever feel like you owe me something. Don’t you ever feel like you can’t live without me and don’t you ever doubt that your presence was enough for me. Nobody ever made me feel like I’m on top of the world like you did. Everybody always made me feel invincible but today I believe they’ll pretend they saw me. Today they’ll pretend that they actually tried to reached out to me, just hope they reach out to you, just hope they watch out for you.
I never thought I’d give up like this but nobody knows how things go sometimes. Take care of yourself, don’t keep to yourself. I’m ready to accept my fate and I know it’s fate that we met on that fateful day. This is my final letter to you and I’m sorry but it’s better this way, at least for me.
You always you used to say I’m selfless but today I feel like being selfish. May the Lord forgive me for this sin. I hope I see you in the next life heart of mine.
Yours truly, your first love.
Tell us: Have you ever lost a loved one to suicide? How did you cope with their death?