Well I must say I was young and naive, I thought he was my world but little did I know he was my nightmare coming true, but you know what they say “what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger “. He thought beating me up made him stronger but instead it made me stronger, when I broke up with him there is one lesson I took with me is that “hurt people, hurt others” I thought it was my own fault that he was both physically and emotionally abusive towards me but I realised he was damaged because of his own past and it had nothing to do with me.
Sad enough, he thought taking it out on me would restore whatever was broken inside of him. He left me without even looking back and the sad part is that I wanted to kill myself because of it. But then time does really heal all wounds because with time I realised his leaving me was the best gift he has ever given me. But with that said I was so puzzled by the way he left and never came back to the son he claimed to love so much.
Then I started to ask myself, was he a good pretender or was he more damaged than I thought?
But as for me I felt alive and peaceful again for the first time since he left me. I started to rebuild my life and became stronger as each day passed. When I was with him I depended too much on him which was my own fault and lost who I was in the process and sooner I realised how much I missed my independence and freedom, I knew that this is not who I am.
There were times where I wanted to leave him because the abuse was just too much for me to bare but I was too scared to leave because I thought I was doing it for my son, but was I happy? No, I sacrificed my happiness and only to be cheated on later with some teenager who was flaunted on my face to teach me some lesson because I didn’t want to be controlled anymore. And guess what as strong-willed as I am, I was willing to sacrifice who I am just to hold on to him but God stepped in and said “No”.
The more I fought to win him back, the further we drifted apart. I can say without a doubt that God always has a better plan for us but the problem is, as human beings we sometimes want things to go our own way and that is not always possible because God is in control. Now I am stronger to withstand anything that I may come across in my life because of everything I went through and I am willing to work hard to give my son a better future, which is a future without him and maybe my son is blessed because I can’t say that he is much of a role-model.
It’s just so amazing how God works it was like he was using him to get to me, the more he hurt me the stronger and determined I got and its a pity because he played a role that he was suppose to play in my life when he was out of it better than when he was in it, really “what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.”
He told me that he replaced me with the younger girl because she listen to his instructions and never questioned his decisions, then I realised he was not looking for a partner but a puppet, and she was a puppet for as long as it has lasted then cheated on him to find someone who treats her like a partner not a puppet, with all this said I am glad I didn’t compromise who I am to make him feel better about himself.
He said I was a control-freak and no man will stay in my life, but guess what I found a guy who think I am sexy because I am strong and independent and thinking he said all this to break me and I listened because even started thinking there was something wrong with me, where by there is someone out there who think I am an exceptional woman. It just goes to show that men with small-egos need women that will stroke their ego always and never tell them the truth.
Well I know that I am strong and independent, and there is nothing wrong with those qualities especially if I find a strong and confident man. He will appreciate me just the way I am and to those women who are like me never ever compromise who you just to make other people feel better about themselves, we only live once and there will never be a another you so make it count and leave your mark.
All my life I felt like I had to dim my light so I will be less intimidating and more approachable, and when I had an opinion about something I kept quite because I didn’t want to come across as too much opinionated but guess what I am, and yes! Sometimes it might come out too strong but it is who I am and there more I try to suppress it, there more I feel like there is something wrong with me.
I would like to tell those women that are being told, that you not good enough and you not worth it by the man that you are with at moment know this, his probably saying this to break you and he see’s that you worth more of a woman than any woman his ever been with and he realised that you are too much of a woman for him to handle.
Never change who you are and what you are to please anyone because that is not being true to yourself, if God loves you the way you are then why should it matters what human beings think of you? I give salute to those strong and independent women who will never comprise their worth to suit the world’s expectations of them, because I am not only I am a survive of domestic abuse but I am conqueror of every circumstances of life that were unpleasant and painful to deal with but I am made it through and came out stronger.
There is something I never understood with him abusing me and turning his back on his son, how could his own mother support, protect him make sure that the sheriff of the court never finds him so he wouldn’t pay maintenance money.
Here I thought women feel pain for other women but not this one, but I understood why in the end because he grew up without a father so her mother thought I must raise my son alone too that was the only explanation I could find to this woman’s cruelty towards his grandson. This is my story to tell and I used to do so with tears in my eyes but right now I tell it with strength and so much passion. I understand that God never makes a mistake but He does his things with a greater purpose and a bigger vision than ours.
We look at today and tomorrow but He sees the future clearly than we ever do, and He sees things earlier than we ever do and all is part His plan to break and rebuilt us into warriors we were meant to be. It was an easy journey to raise my son alone but it made to love and appreciate him more, because without him there is no me.
Tell us: What do you think about the author’s reaction to the abuse she faced?