In my matric year I was struggling with maths and physics at school and decided no, I just can’t fail both, I have to seek help. I told my ex-boyfriend who was still claiming I was his girlfriend. He invited me to his school one Saturday. I met his friends and he bragged about how he loved me, but I never liked talking, I just kept my mouth shut. There wass this serious guy in his friend group, I looked at him and I was afraid of this guy. A few weeks down the line the guy approached me and asked for my number. I just gave it to him without looking at him. He texted me. Stupid me, I asked my ex who he was: he told me he was one of those womanisers who just sleep and go, ei wena wareng, I can’t imagine myself in that situation hle. Days passed, we lost contact. Of course, he lost interest because your girl enjoys being single.

2015 just passed and we passed matric. It does not matter how, what’s important is the fact that we passed. Wait, who’s we? Hello darling, I have passed and made myself proud. On one of those tiring days of school hunting I was on my way from Cape College and the guy just texted me, “hi uphi just wish to see you.” Hee bathong, I am exhausted akuhlangani in life, wena, just wish and wish. He was fortunate to be accepted at UWC for BCom Accounting. Who cares, I don’t, maybe his family does, but I was happy to hear that he got into school. But then why can’t he get a girl at Varsity?

Tell me about life: I found myself registering for second chance matric. It was not a bad idea for me but at home they could not understand why I couldn’t find myself a job. I was not ready for such. Through the second chance programme at CPUT I registered myself for a bridging year programme at Mowbray. Dear Lord, I didn’t even know in which direction Mowbray was, but that was not a problem, at that moment I’d do anything to keep myself busy beside job hunting.

Things happened so fast: we texted, I told him I was just next to him every Friday and Saturday. That was big mistake. He immediately wanted to see me next Friday. Then Friday I texted him before my class commenced. He had come from his school holding those big books – you’d swear he had made it in life. I was afraid even to look at this person and the cap made it even more serious. He seemed to be happy. Days passed, nothing much, I missed him and even skipped classes at Mowbray to go see him during the week. I could feel it deep down, I liked this guy, but I was afraid to be in a relationship with him. Instead I chose another person who couldn’t even last 2 weeks.

One of those winter days in July I told myself: this is the day. Wuhu, but it’s cold! After class I called him. He didn’t pick up. Then I left the campus. Ooops, just when I got to the taxi rank he called and asked me to come back. Did I hesitate to say no, aibo? No, for what, I just took a taxi back to campus. That Saturday he was writing an accounting test, bragging all the way to his flat. The guy liked accounting, I think, but whose problem is that? I was not studying, after all, why should I care about varsity stuff. We got into the room and lay in the bed, talking, eating Lay’s he bought along the way. He kissed me. I responded to his kiss. Bear in mind, I said today is the day. He undressed me, then from somewhere under the bed, took out a condom. The condom turned off my mood. I kept asking myself about why the guy always has condoms, which means he has a girlfriend, but that did not stop the mission.

This guy in 2015 once posted a kid and I asked him about that but he told me another story. Then I found out in 2016 that he had a child. I was mad at him, didn’t want to see him, but you know the heart, it’s so evil. The following week during the week he wanted to see me at Philippi. Oh, I went there, he explained everything to me. Just a matter of time maybe, but I didn’t understand everything. Another thing: condoms under the pillow, I thought no, he knew I was coming and I was going to want to play along. That did not stop me from keeping on loving this person. Sometimes I would find out about a few girls in his phone, aike mtaka, God, my heart, it’s not strong for such nonsense.

2017 my person was gone from earth, nowhere to be found. No text, no call, but he kept on changing profile pictures. I was still hoping for him to come back but why should I, because it is clear he is happy. Well, he posted another girl with artificial dreadlocks and an orange dress, that was it. I decide to move on with my life. I met Luthando Mabuya doing his 3rd year at UWC in nursing. The guy was nice and romantic but I had to babysit his frustration when he did practicals. Hey bathong, I can’t nurse someone’s feelings, after all, I still had a feeling this man would be back. Perhaps Nkosikhona was right, he got it and left.

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