I go by the sobriquet “table napkin”.

Me and my comrades: the cutlery, crockery, toothbrushes and towels, have formed a socialist group, commonly known as the serviette union. It’s kind of like the Soviet Union, but that’s not important, that’s not what I came here to talk about!

We have decided to come together and air our grievances to all the media houses. CNN, Reuters, CBN, China Central TV, the CW, France 24, Al Jazeera and Deutsche Welle TV stations, take note of this.

It has come to my attention that the humans have mistreated some of my comrades.

My friend, the toothbrush, was thrown in the dustbin for being “too old”. I demand his compensation. He had a wife and two kids for crying out loud!

Towel complains of the sickening eyesore body parts he has to clean up every day!

Cups, plates, spoons and forks have complained of hot tea, disgusting food and the bad oral hygiene of some of you, humans!

All of these must come to an end today! We must boycott the humans henceforth. Enough is enough. It’s time we fight for our rights.

Long live the Serviette Union!

Tell us: What do you think of this piece?