“Babe I think I’m pregnant; this is the third month without my period and that’s unusual,” I told him nervously. He just looked at me and smiled. I wondered what was making him smile when I was telling him a serious issue.
“You ain’t, dear. It happens that you can miss your periods,” he said to me. He wasn’t feeling what I was feeling. My brain was busy thinking, asking myself many questions without answers.
How am I gonna tell mom if I really am? What about school? Will I be able to face everybody with that potbelly? Who’ll take care of the baby while I go to school? Will I pass my matric with a potbelly? those were some of the questions that I was asking myself.
Ntogwadi, my boyfriend, seemed unconcerned about the issue. What was he thinking though? My nights were bad as hell, crying non-stop, checking if there was something moving in my stomach, checking my breasts and fingers. I thought I was imagining things but it was real.
Yes, I was pregnant; it was the 16th of November when I confirmed, and I was writing the grade 11 final year exam. It was a nightmare. When we went to take reports, everything was well. Guess what? Mom didn’t know that I was pregnant and I was so scared to tell her.
As time went on, the symptoms of pregnancy were really appearing. I felt dizzy, always sleeping, visiting the toilet more and eating too much.
I guess mom was suspecting it because she once asked me, “My baby, is everything still OK? Are you…?”
she didn’t complete her question and gave me a nasty look.
Deep inside it was telling me to confess, but I didn’t, and to show that I was lying I was stuttering. Ntogwadi and I were out of plans. Then came the following year; I had to attend grade 12 with a belly. How embarrassing was that. I was 3 months pregnant by January.
Then I realized that time wasn’t waiting for me. I had to tell mom. It was a Saturday noon, and mom was laying in her room. I entered there and sat on the other side of the bed.
“Mom what are the symptoms of pregnancy?” I asked her, my heart my pounding.
You should have seen she reacted, “What? Are you pregnant?” I have never seen her angrier. She was shouting at me.
I was like, “I’m not sure,” but deep inside I was very sure that I was. She told me to get out from her room and that she needed to think. I followed the instructions without questioning.
Later on that day she called me into her room and asked me calmly, “If you’re pregnant what are you going to do? What about school? Your future?” I didn’t reply then she continued, “And if you are pregnant don’t you dare ever think of aborting the baby because you’ll die young and live longer in the grave.”
She then bought me a pregnancy test and it was positive. After that life was hard for me. I always pressed my belly inside so that friends at school couldn’t see and tease me about it. But I told them and they were so supportive, especially Sharz and Rainah.
My belly started to show up at the 6th month, and then after the 9th month I gave birth to a young beautiful angel and named her ‘Angel Joy’, but Ntogwadi named her ‘Danone’. I don’t know why.
“An ANGEL that will bring endless JOY in my life. My bundle of joy,” I smiled at her and gave her a kiss on her soft forehead.