I hate me sometimes. Sometimes I wonder why it seems impossible to smile, at times I am grateful. If I could count the times I almost self-destructed I would run out of breath. If I could count the times I almost lost my mind, I would end up with a suicide note.
Sometimes, I am loving and other times I am evil. I break my own boundaries and I rebuild the very same walls. I think I have got something and I celebrate, then I hurt when it almost happens, but doesn’t. Should I cry, should I try, should I bend…I am not sure if I can still walk tall when I have lost my head striving.
Just after another fall I am at it again like I am addicted to the pain and I am no longer the same. I am concrete in mind, stable in thoughts, I can’t deny. If I could fight the fighter in me then the battle would be holy. Like the spirit falling on me, saving me from myself. If I could deny the strength in me then my heart would be in perfect serenity because ever since I found out I am strong my soul has never really had rest.
Ever since I found out I am a woman my efforts to display power have never really ceased. Ever since I found out that the truth is never really simple, I have hidden behind the myth. Ever since I found out superheroes don’t exist I have been my own legend.
Ever since I found out there is love I have also discovered hurt and it curls in my bones, invades my faith. It has poisoned my system, breaking all my defences. It has kept me in places only nightmares could recognise. Ever since I found out there is sweet, I have also tasted bitter.
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