I’ve never been too fond of diaries, though I had one as a child. I felt like it was silly owning one, but I used it because it was a gift. It felt good writing down your thoughts and after months of written thoughts, it felt even better reading them after a long time. It was like a short road filled with many different obstacles and emotions that made you laugh and cry at the same time. “Looking back” made me feel so much better as a person.
Though the one I kept was only for a year, the thought of keeping one never crossed my mind again until the 4th of February 2017. At the time, (which still hasn’t changed) I wasn’t keeping a diary. I created something because I did not have someone at the time I could talk to and trust.
This something became my source of therapy, my “confidante and friend”. I remember walking into Pick N Pay and picking up a 288 A4 paged Scholar counter book because it was on sale and I needed it for my studies, little did I know what it was going to become.
The beginning of 2017 was a difficult year, it was also the year I learned to let go and accept certain things as they are, because as humans we cannot always change everything. What I could change however, was the 288 A4 paged Scholar counter book into my very own journal. (I still find the word “diary” a bit silly.)
My bespoke journal is my something special, because when life gave me lemons, I turned to it and it offered me sweet therapeutic lemonade. It made me feel better every time I wrote down my feelings and thoughts. It felt like I was talking with somebody, somebody who understood everything I was going through, somebody who shared my pain, my happiness, my goals and even my secrets.
My journal doesn’t judge me, instead it occasionally reminds me of how I have grown as a person and a woman. It reminds me of the beautiful and not so beautiful memories and moments I have shared in it and that I still have a long way to go.
It will not be easy, but every struggle and celebration will be recorded in this and future journals, and every moment recorded will better me as a person.