A lot has been happening in the country recently: women have been killed so much that it has turned out to be a norm. Today I want to look at a different perspective of the issue. I’m open for debate and I’m ready for any criticism.

A wise old educator recently told me something that kept me thinking for a very long time. He said, “Ge o nyala mosadi o se nyale thaka ya gago ka gore o tlo go fenya ka monagano.” (When you marry a wife, don’t marry someone your own age because they can overpower you with their thinking). Basically Mr Mphahle, FM of SJ van der Merwe technical High School, was touching the age gap issue that I’m trying to touch today.

Women mature much faster than men and according to an article published in Cerbral Cortex, the scientific explanation is given behind the common notion that men take longer to “act their age” than women do. According to the study, it’s rooted in the fact that the female brain establishes connections and “prunes” itself faster than the male brain.

If we check all the stats of the women that have been killed, you will find that at least 60% of them were killed by their boyfriends who are the same age as them. What I’m getting to is that every time you get into an argument with your girlfriend and she defeats you psychologically, you will look for another way to show your strength. Remember that as a man there is only one way to show your strength and that’s showing it physically.

What I generally mean is that if you lose a pyschological battle as a man, you will win a physical battle, which is what is happening currently. Women are being abused because of the fact that they are dating boys of the same age as them. Mind you, I’m not condoning woman abuse and not saying this is the case for all abuse cases. But we need to look into the fact that the age gap is what is causing all these problems we have today.

If we look at our parents, we’ll notice that their age gaps are very wide. Don’t complain about the fact that those were the old days but look at the correct picture. If a man is at least 5-10 years older than his spouse, I don’t think we’ll have the problem of abuse because a matured man understands that everything that a woman does is for the good of their future. If you check old married couples, the husband will tell you to agree with your woman even when they’re wrong. This is because at the end of the day, the woman will help you build a home.

I’m not condoning woman abuse. As a matter of fact, I even wrote a poem, Stop killing our stisters, around this time because we had the same issues. It seems as if this is some sort of plague, which is horrible.

I’m not saying women should date blessers, but what I’m trying to say, date someone at least 5 years older than you. And one thing’s for sure, you won’t get to a point where you fear for your life or you tell yourself that things will get better.

When I was still in high school, I never understood why girls dated older guys but now I advise it as it will save your life. Unlike dating someone your own age and he may end up killing you and defend it by saying that it was out of love. But this is my opinion, what is yours?


Tell us: Do you agree with the author that abuse happens when dating someone older?