It’s been a few years since I felt like God had left me. I felt like he never existed. I’ve felt so alone and I even doubted his existence.
I remember I was losing myself, I was searching for an open door and I was losing strength. Anxiety, defeat, low self-esteem, depression, battles and insomnia were my daily battles.
I remember when I had to tell myself that the storm in my life is over, soon all of this will be over. I had no one to talk to, I was all alone. I’ve fought a lot of battles in my life, then one day I decided to pray about my daily battles. I won’t lie, I had waited the longest time for God to answer me.
I was only 14 years old when I went through depression. I never told my parents about it because I was scared of the judgement. My mother was going to say I had demons and I’m faking this. I’ve seen the way she judged suicidal people so I got scared, I wanted to tell her that I’m one of them.
I cried myself to sleep every time. I was always sad, I’m an over thinker, I over thought each and every event that happened in my life. I felt numb and I was suicidal as well. I attempted suicide once and nothing happened. I attempted it for the second time and nothing happened.
When *Pdot0* said, “Dear God won’t you save me from myself, I have a rope around my neck. Won’t you save me from myself before I jump out the window?” I felt that. My mind was out of this world. I felt feelings I’ve never felt before. I was waiting and planning to die.
My cousins found out about my plans of suicide, instead of helping me, they judged me. I was told that I’m faking sadness and depression was for old people with real life problems. I was told that I’m taking the problems that my parents are supposed to deal with to my head, I’m imagining things!
I remember when my cousin said that I look like an abused kid, I’m all quiet and slow. I want people to feel sorry for me. I can’t lie, I cried a lot after hearing that. I expected them to tell me that it’s going to be fine but they didn’t. Music, God and my thoughts were the only things I was left with when my friends turned their backs on me.
I lost my best friend through suicide. Mental health problems are real, they do exist! Depression is real! If you know someone’s who’s depressed, all I can say is: be there for the person, don’t give up on him/her. You might lose the person in a blink of an eye.
Tell us: Do you know anyone who has a mental health illness?