23 July 2020

I am at perfect peace, sitting here alone while listening to my gentle heartbeat and gazing at the flowers while they gently sway in the breeze. The beauty of nature must have been captured and filtered by some great artist. Nothing can disturb me or shift my mind from this dream, or so I thought, only to be hit by an overwhelming feeling of gross loneliness.

The feeling struck oddly at my nerves, waking me up before I could finish my day dream with a sudden outburst of outrageous pain at the realisation of not having anyone to talk to. I brought all this to myself, I thought while deeply overtaken by these strange feelings of low self-esteem. How did I get here? How did I end up living alone? My mind is filled with thoughts that give me great discomfort. If only I knew how hard and painful it would be, then I’d have made a friend with everyone on this planet, I’d even have gladly made an enemy.

I have no one to talk to and enjoy life with. This must be a curse or something of that kind because, honestly, it is hard to fathom the life around me, and it is hard to fathom the life in me. Looking around, I realised that I have everything I need and a lot I don’t need. I am not rich, but I’m also not poor either. All these thoughts are irritatingly disturbing my peace, and it all seemed like I had figured it out until now.

I don’t have peace anymore, and the feeling of loneliness is weighing me down. I don’t know sleep anymore because I keep thinking about how and when it’ll all end. I’ve met a lot of people, but no one is here with me and no one is here for me. God! It all seems like a dream that I need to wake up from, but, unfortunately, I have no one to hold my hand and tell me it is just a nightmare. I need someone to bring me a glass of water to calm my nerves because all of this is getting me worked up.

Every day I am blessed to see the sun come up and go down, I am blessed beyond what I thought possible, but I still feel cursed and empty. I’m nothing in this world, I am weak and vulnerable, but what gets to me the most is the fact that I’m lonely.


Tell us: What do you do when you get lonely?