I was 15 years old when I found love. I did not even know how a girlfriend should behave. I always saw my boyfriend as someone who I would spend my whole life with. Sometimes I would buy nice things for him so that he would appreciate me. I did not even know I was getting myself into trouble. He noticed that I cared more about him than he cared about me.
He was living in a room on his own and he was working already. He was five years older than me. I would visit him at his place, and would lie to my parents. I would tell them that I was in the library after school, but I would go straight to him. The more time I spent with him in his room, the more I fell in love with him. He would cook for me, play with me and we would sit on his bed and just talk. I loved all the sweet nothings he whispered to me.
One day on the phone, he talked about how he wanted to break my virginity. He told me that it would strengthen our relationship and that a relationship without sex is no relationship at all. I told him that I was not ready. I had always told myself that the day I break my virginity would be after getting my degree first. He swore at me and promised to cheat on me. I always cried every time he said bad things to me. I told him that it was okay and that we could break it on our next meeting. He was so happy and very keen. It made me happy to see him like that.
On our next meeting, we tried to break it, but I was very nervous and ended up leaving. I came home and thought long and hard about what we tried to do. After two days the stress was killing me. I called him to buy me the morning after pills. I was so stressed. I thought I could be pregnant, even though we never went through with it, I was still nervous. I would undress and look at myself in the mirror and think my stomach was growing.
He bought me the morning after pill and I took it. It was the first time drinking the pill. When I drank it, I even felt guilty. He called me again the next evening and told me that having sex is easy and a fast thing and that I shouldn’t overthink it. He told me I wouldn’t even feel the pain. I felt guilty and promised him again that we would try but deep down I knew I did not want to.
I went to his room again and tried but it did not happen. I went home and started to regret it. One day I told him that I would show up at his room unannounced. He swore at me and told me that I was stupid and insecure. This time I did not cry. Instead, I realised something. I started to think he might have many girlfriends.
Whenever I was with him, touching his phone, he did not complain. I found pictures of girls, but he would say they were his friends and cousins. I felt jealous and came back to his room unannounced. I looked through the window and saw him kissing another girl. I stayed so long by the window and heard him telling the girl the very same things he told me. I left when they were about to have sex.
I got home and went to my room. My mother was not one of those moms who would comfort you and tell you everything was going to be okay. When I cried, I made sure she did not see, because if she did, she would want to know why and if she found it’s because of a boy, I would get a beating. I kept smiling in front of my mother, although I cried in silent.
I called him and told him everything. We broke up without me giving him my virginity. My virginity was what comforted me. It is my pride. I went to varsity and got my degree. I opened my first restaurant and, ironically, hired his son. It was so funny.
Love is not what it seems. Teenage love is not real but self-love lasts forever.
Tell us: Do you think she did the right thing by saving her virginity?