After dating someone who I had no interest in; whom I dated because I was desperate, I finally dumped him. I didn’t want to be in a relationship where someone didn’t love me whilst I did. I had never hurt anyone before. I had requested him on Facebook as a friend, not knowing he had eyes for me. Every time I opened Facebook I would find messages from him.
He requested my number and I gave it to him. He then called me an hour after I had logged out and he said he loved me. I was speechless; I didn’t know what to say. I thought maybe it was a dream. My heart pumped a lot with these news. I checked his profile and saw that he was handsome and tall. I love tall, big men.
How can a stranger love a stranger?
As time went on we began our relationship even though we hadn’t met. He was loving; I could feel the warmth in him. He always talked calmly, lovingly and was caring. He called me Mabebeza even though I’d given him my name, Tiki. Every time we talked or chatted, my bones cracked and I wanted to be with him. I began to feel his love and I knew he was the man I wished to have. But not meeting him was a big issue.
One day he started ignoring my messages and calls. I was worried and eventually I gave up. One day he called and I was relieved but my heart wasn’t fine with that. I thought he was cheating and avoiding me. He now had a place in my heart. I wanted him back but it was hard. He started telling me he had a wife and I was confused now.
It pained me but I couldn’t leave him because I was crazy about him. He told me I belonged to him and have a special place in his heart. I didn’t wanna lose him; I wanted to make our relationship work. I struggled for months and he knew nothing about me. I was a HIV positive mother but he only knew about my kids and my divorce.
I thought maybe one day I would ask him to get tested with me. I was so scared to tell him, what if he leaves me? I craved his love, his touch and everything about him. We began being crazy in love that we texted every minute and called at night. We decided we should meet and I made up my mind to meet him.
It was now eight months in this relationship.
He told me when he was off and I decided to leave Harare for Joburg. He agreed to pick me up at the station. I arrived in Joburg at 7 a.m. and I called him. He said he was on the way and I sat on the benches at Park Station. I was going hungry and called a friend to bring me tea and some buns. He brought them and I ate. The time was now a quarter to nine.
I tried to call again but this time he didn’t answer. I thought maybe it was a setup but would he do that? He then called me to say he sees me. I looked around and saw him wearing a brown cap, blue t-shirt and jeans. I went to him. We greet and he grabbed my bag as he said we were going to Germiston.
He walked so fast that I felt I was running; I couldn’t walk like that. I thought maybe he didn’t want to be seen with me.
We went to the taxi rank and he said I should sit at the back and he was in front. I thought maybe he didn’t want to embarrass me because it was my first time in Joburg. We arrived in town and he walked fast again and I was walking slowly. When I asked why he looked as if he doesn’t want to be seen with me, he replied that it was hot and he wanted to be home.
As we waited under a tree for a taxi I threw small sticks at him and he said we will meet at home. I laughed. We caught another taxi to his home. Finally we arrived and he gave me a key to unlock. I did and we entered the house.
He was staying in a one roomed house, sharing with others the toilet and kitchen. He had a queen bed, TV, room-divider with a radio and DVD player, a decoder, fridge, stove a kitchen unit and wardrobe. I liked it. It looked like a gentleman’s room.
I sat on the bed and he switched the television on and asked if I was hungry. He made eggs and gave them to me with grape juice. I ate a slice and relaxed on the bed. He then nagged me to bathe. He took me to the bathroom, showed me the toilet and entered with me. I was shy and asked him to leave. He went out. I didn’t know that he was opening my bag and he saw my ARVs.
I bathed, dressed and sat on bed. He started to nag me to kiss him. I did. We ended up having sex then we relaxed. We talked about our performance and how he enjoyed it. It was now 3 p.m. and he asked if I could cook. I looked for food and started preparing it. He kept looking at me. I noticed handbag was ruffled but didn’t ask because I didn’t wanna spoil the romance.
We had three days of fun loving and having sex. On the fourth day I wrote in his diary how much he meant to me. I decided I had to leave on Saturday morning. Before that he kissed me and gave me money for transport. I didn’t wanna leave; I wanted to know him personally because I was so much attached to him. He called me when I arrived in Limpopo but he didn’t sound like him anymore. It was as if he got what he wanted and he doesn’t need me anymore.
Days passed. He said he was leaving for Zimbabwe the same day I was also leaving for Zimbabwe. I asked if we could meet in Harare and he agreed. I was happy the relationship was going well. We chatted as usual, acting like two love birds who can’t miss each other. He made a promise to come but didn’t make it. I had work to attend so I left thinking he would invite me to Joburg again.
He finally asked me what was in the bottle in my bag and I was shocked and afraid that he saw my pills. He shouted, “I know those pills are ARVs. Why did you not tell me?” I didn’t know what to say but that I was sorry. He called me names and told me he wanted to fuck me only and that he never loved me. I was hurt, confused and in agony. After that I decided to let him go. I was better off alone than chasing a man who didn’t love me.