Dad is surely the word I mention least in my life.
My parents got separated when I was only three years old and that was also the end of my and my father’s relationship. It has been 11 years now and I’m growing up without him. Some days I would cry myself to sleep wishing he was there for me. Not a single day passed without me thinking of him.
I would create events in my head of me and him being together, wishing he could just man-up and take care of me and my siblings. My mother is a single mother of six and she has always done her best in taking care of us, fulfilling our needs and wants.
I wish I had both my parents, someone I could call dad. For others their fathers are their heroes but to me he is just a big disappointment – someone who doesn’t care about his family, he has never been there for us.
I have had 11 birthdays and he wasn’t present at any one of them. For the past 11 years I have been hoping that maybe one of these days he would show up – but he has never done that. I have slowly slowly learnt to accept the fact that my own blood doesn’t care about me and the word dad is just a word to me and nothing else.
The things that my mother told us – of his being an abusive husband towards her – has made me think twice. Maybe everything happened for a reason. Maybe my mother’s decision to divorce my father was the best decision for her and for us.
The only thing I have from him till this day is a little scar below my right eye. I don’t know how my life would have been if he was in it. As I grow older I start to realise that his absence is better than his presence.
But still, I wish he was different – a gentleman, the ideal father and husband, the one who puts his family first.
My uncle has always been there for us. He took care of us. He gave me the father’s love that my own father couldn’t.
I’m gonna grow into a strong, successful and independent women without him. His absence is building me mentally – I don’t need him now and surely won’t need him in the future.
I will make sure in the future I marry a great man who will love me and my children, the way my own father couldn’t for his family. There are many things that I don’t have but I’ll make sure my children in the future have everything including the father’s love.
I don’t hate him and I wouldn’t even if I wanted to.
This was one of the commended entries in the My Father essay writing competition. Click here to read other excellent essays from the competition.