In the middle of it all, there is a question that taunts you every day, night, hour and minute. A question you don’t quite know the answer to.
You wonder if freedom is really an illusion, because in your world, freedom only took place physically while you remained emotionally caged, screaming at the top of your lungs, hoping for a saviour to rescue you.
You have clothed yourself with fear and made it your identity. You’re scared! Scared of exposing your scars even to the closest people. You’re scared of the world, scared of how you will react when you come across the monsters and because of that, you’re always ready to attack. You have become fearful. You fear that no matter how far you run, sooner or later, your nightmares will always catch up with you.
You push people away because that’s what you do best. You don’t want to trust anyone with your life because you think everyone is a dragon. I get you! You’re not afraid of creating a beautiful future with beautiful memories but you’re afraid of making someone a part of it, because the truth is, you’re really afraid of getting hurt.
But, dear self! Have you ever thought of how your life would be if you had to live on the other side where fear did not serve you? I know, you’re even afraid of the thought! But for how long will you continue to live in fear? For how long will you keep putting so much pressure on yourself? When will you start believing that you really have come a long way and a lot has changed about you? You’re not the same person you were months ago or even weeks ago.
I know that all that you want is to speed up the healing process, but it all starts when you decide to appreciate the progress you have made thus far, no matter how big or small that progress might be. Appreciate the fact that you can now sleep without waking up in the middle of the night, with anxiety and panic attacks. Appreciate the fact that you’re no longer afraid of your feelings and showing them. Remember how angry you used to get and couldn’t control yourself; all you wanted to do in that moment of anger was to destroy everything you loved, including yourself. You’re no longer that person, and that in itself is an achievement to celebrate. If you can’t celebrate that, at least let the scar on your left wrist remind you of how far you have come.
I know you couldn’t find a reason why it all happened to you and you want some answers but you’re still here living and that is a reason to rejoice!
While you here screaming for the world to take you far, far away, I’m sure those aliens are happy because justice in your lungs is slowly dying.
But you know what? You’re brave! You had to face some aliens and dragons staring at you and you’ve managed to find peace. You’re not brave because you had it all together, you’re brave because the dragons couldn’t kill you and the aliens couldn’t touch you.
Stand up and continue the race, you will get to the finish line one day.
Give yourself some credit and believe in your freedom cause it’s real, not an illusion. With time, you will be free from that emotional cage.
Do you agree that freedom is not just an illusion?