Dear God, who did I offend?

Why is it that everything is falling apart?

Everything I touch dies.

I get it. I grew up messed up, I witnessed hate all my life, I even push away anyone who was willing to offer love. The sad part was witnessing funerals of good people who had good lives; hence I am still living in sorrow.

If I had a chance to talk to you face to face, I would ask you, why did you let me live if you were going to let me suffer this much?

All I do is try to live a normal life like normal people. People smile, I’m sour; I don’t even know what my real smile looks like. If I didn’t love or respect you, I swear I’d walk in front of a moving bus, or consume all the medication I came across.

Every time I consume alcohol I feel better and happy, but afterwards I’m this depressed person with no direction. It is confirmed that nobody cares, nobody loves me. Even God himself.

How I wish I was never conceived, or maybe it would’ve been better if I was a nyaope user, I mean I would only stress about finding the next fix.

But here I am, a good guy suffering from depression, with so many thoughts. Lord can you hear me Father?

I thought it was unemployment causing my depression, but I am working now and it is even worse!

Honestly, I’ve never experienced love in my life.

Can I die yet?

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