I remember that, in the beginning of the year, I had said that I wanted to laugh more and be happier, but things unfortunately did not happen that way. Waking up every day with no sense of purpose is hurtful. My life has changed, and I now live for the moment. I can’t see my future, let alone know how it might look. Am I too far or too near from it? Or, even worse, am I left behind?
2020 was a year in which I lost a lot and felt like something died in me. But I feel like all of this was actually a preparation for all the good things that will happen to me in the next coming years. 2020 was a year that resurrected so many wounds that were buried in me, but I believe that it all happened in order to prepare me for complete healing.
During the national lockdown, I had to deconstruct and break myself down in order to fix myself and mend all the broken pieces. I did it all so I could find my problems and the root cause of my sadness, pain, and dark experiences. Emotional scars take time to completely fade or get healed, abut mental healing is a journey that takes even more time. You need to allow it to take the time it needs in order for you to completely heal. One day you’re okay, and the next you’re anxious and depressed. Pain is a drug that takes a lot out of you.
While I’m crashing and breaking, character is being built. There is something stronger and greater in me, and even though I might not feel it right now, I know that God is working on me. He is reconstructing every structure of me that’s becoming loose, and redirecting me away from every path I feel lost in. I hope that you gain strength in your personal journey too, and, above everything else, get the peace that you need. And may you get to a space of complete peace of mind.
It is said that, “If you feel like you’re losing everything, remember that trees lose their leaves every year and still remain standing.”
Passion. Purpose. Calling
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