I keep living inside death. My heart skips beats, but I keep on breathing fine. My head is kept under water but I’m not drowning. I’m unstable but still conscious. My eyes are kept open but I’m blinded. I can speak but I feel muted. Yes, my ears can hear, but it doesn’t feel like it anymore.
I have drowned inside my own tears before but I survived. A thousand lances once pierced through my heart but it regained back to normal. I have waited for better days only to get disappointed in the process. Wind once blew in the wrong direction but I was destined for the right one. I suffocated in a life of mine dictated by my parents’ decisions.
I kept quiet even though I never liked most things that happened around me. Scars inside my soul open wider as enmity slowly creeps in on me. Tears fill oceans and rivers when I go back in time to think about the sadness I hid inside. How I so wish that I was perfect at times, maybe my tale would be told in a different way than this. It’s funny how I manage to paint a fake smile just to hide my unhappy face.
Depression has become a best friend to me. She never disappoints at all. When joy divorced me, depression never hesitated to take on the empty void that was left inside my soul. Loneliness also became a permanent visitor in my world. Everyone around me just turned into retaining walls standing around my life. The dreams I once had ran away from me and I wasn’t fast enough to catch them, so I had to let them go.
I lost belief somewhere in the middle of my path and now can no longer find her. I’m not a lost soul anymore. Darkness found and adopted me as her own. I’ve lost trust in everyone around me. I am hyperventilating in this lie-filled life of mine. My breath is almost gone. Now I finally get why people always wished to stay young forever. Growth brings nothing but ache into one’s life. I am now without breath although I’m still alive…
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