Some days I feel like I am over the moon and nothing in this world can stop me from reaching my potential, but most days I just feel like I am drowning in my own fears. How can one be scared to wake up in the morning and face the world? Has that ever happened to you? I lay flat in my bed and try by all means to avoid all possible ways to wake up. I know I should, it’s meant to happen, but I can’t. I am stuck!
I seem to be carrying the weight of the world on my shoulders. Some would say I am venting but it’s the truth. How do I even begin a new day when the previous day hasn’t ended? How do I wake up to a brand new day, when it all seems so blank? I am hopeless, useless maybe, although am strong, courageous and fearless, wait, is this really me? I just feel like I can go back to sleep, lay there till dusk hits and all the weight is lifted off my shoulders and have someone carry it for me.
I need to move! Come on, wake up and smell the coffee! The earliest bird catches the fattest worm, they would say. I wake up and dust myself off, I need to get things done, things that only I am able to do. It’s my duty after all. When the world seems stuck in one place, I need to be the one to shake it up and make it jiggle like jelly. This is what I choose and have to make it work because there is no turning back now. I should be the best example and hopefully the best role model, I can’t afford to ‘flop’. I need to take all the chances and opportunities, and plant a tree that will be fruitful one day. I really can’t afford to mess things up. I am a fighter, I was born an imbokodo!
I am a mother after all of two beautiful children Livhuwani (‘give thanks’) and Mashudu (‘lucky’). I strive to give more than I receive, be the strength I never had and be above all the love I lost. I live for them because they are the symbol of everlasting love, a chance at life, happiness and joy.
Tell us: How does this essay make you feel?