When I asked him about the rumours, he didn’t deny it. I told my mother but my mother said I must stop interfering in my father’s private life. She even said that I knew exactly what my father was, and how he loved young girls.

“What did you expect when you introduced Zinhle to him?” she had asked.

My mother, it turned out, was aware of this but she kept quiet to prevent arguing with my father.

At school I confronted Zinhle. I was hurt; I thought she was my friend!

“Did you really expect a girl like me to be friends with a useless, thin girl like you?” she spat the question at me. She was after my father and had used me. She wanted to make my father sign her in the competition as it needed parental consent. She told me that my father agreed and had signed the form as her gurdian. I was so angry. At first I didn’t believe her but when I asked my father he didn’t deny this – at all.

I was very angry at Zinhle, angry at my parents and also angry at myself. I felt betrayed and worthless. I couldn’t believe that my father had signed Zinhle’s form to enter the competition while he refused to sign mine. Zinhle always bragged about the fact that my dad always took her out to clubs, hotels, malls and restaurants.

She always showed me the things my father bought for her and would tell me that my dad always encouraged her to believe in herself and carry on with modeling. Every now and then, my dad would take Zinhle to a studio to take photos, so she could learn different modeling poses. I must admit, I was very jealous, but there was nothing I could do.

Nearing the start of the competition, my mother begged the agency to let me enter the competition. She convinced them that my father was died. Luckily the agency agreed to let me join the competition but they told us that if they got more people who had consent from a an employed parent, they would have to chase me out of the competition. But I had great hope, that no matter how many people they found, they would never find a person who was good in modeling like I was.

The competition started and we were already competing with each other. The judges were more impressed with me and Zinhle.

Back at school I did very well and always passed my tests, assignments and exams and that made my parents very happy. Later on, my father found out that I entered the competition without his consent. Zinhle was the one who told him. She told him I was standing in the way of her opportunities. My dad was angry at me and my mother, and told me he would do everything he could to make me not to win the competition.

Weeks passed and still the judges were very much pleased with me and Zinhle. They encouraged us to do better every time for the shoot. They also taught us different poses. But again they liked Zinhle more because she knew different poses. But they liked me because I was a fast learner. I was forced to work with Zinhle although I hated her guts. She hated me too. She would always remind me that she had full support from my father. And always told me how well my father treated her.

The competition was nearly coming to an end now. Zinhle and I were in the top three, along with Dolly, one of the contestants.

My dad and Zinhle went on a date almost every weekend. My dad never had time for me and my mother, and I was no longer close with my father. He never even greeted me, or asked me about life as he used to. There was a very sour and tense vibe at home. All the time I would lock myself in my room and study as there was nothing else I could have done.

Later on, I found out that my dad had paid the agency to make Zinhle win the competition. He paid them very huge amount of money, and told them that he would stop sponsoring them if Zinhle doesn’t win. I told my mom about it and told her

“We must do something”. I cried to my mother.

“There’s nothing we can do. Why don’t you just give up, because this competition was not meant for me anyways!”

She said at least I pass at school. I will have a very good job. And truly there was nothing I could do, but I never gave up on my dreams that easily.

At the shootings, I worked very hard and did my best, so much that the judges were very impressed with me. But Zinhle would always say that even though I worked hard, I will never win the competition – she will.

Now at the next shoot the judges told us that they would announce the winner.

I was excited and scared. Whenever I found myself happy and feeling as if I would win the completion, something reminded me that I was just deceiving myself.

While we were in the dressing room, Zinhle told me that she would surely win, besides the fact that my dad paid the agency, but because she has won the modeling competitions back in primary and high school.

When we finished dressing up and putting make up. We then went at the stage. Dolly was told to leave, and Zinhle and me must model and do poses for the last time. We did.

I knew I had done badly because the crowd screamed louder for Zinhle than me.

The Master of Ceremonies came to the front with an envelope. The lights dimmed and there was horrific music.

“And the winner is…” the MC announced as the drums played louder.

I was very scared. I knew that Zinhle would win and I wanted to cry. When I looked at Zinhle she was smiling and very confident.

“Hope Hlope!!!!” the MC shouted my name. I didn’t believe it. I said

“No you made a mistake, I am Hope Hlope and this is Zinhle Mbatha,”I muttered in disbelief.

“Congratulations Hope, you’ll be going to New York next year!” the manager said with a big smile. But I just gazed at him and ran to my mother.

Zinhle and my dad were arguing, Zinhle shouted and she dumped my dad. She threw the bag with some of the things that he bought for her and ran way. My dad argued with the owner. But the owner said this is his agency and

“I’ll do whatever I want with it! The judges have a right to decide who is the best.”

“Listen here, if you don’t…” my dad threatened.

“No, you listen,” said the owner in anger. “This decision is final. Threaten us again and I will call the police and tell them about it.”

The owner then handed dad his money and walked away.

“You are not going to New York, I’m not allowing you!” My dad shouted.

“Oh yes she is!” My mom shouted back.

“I said she’s not. She will stay here in Durban and finish her studies. She won’t be a model!” My dad said.

“Huu shame, you wish..” interrupted my mother before he finished.

“Dad is right, mom. I cannot go to New York. And I won’t be a model, I want to finish my studies,” I said then went to the owner. “I cannot go to New York, sir. I can’t leave my mother alone with dad. My dad hates her and always fights with her. I would rather be nothing for now and stay with my mother than to be successful in New York while mother suffers,” I said.

Mother over heard me and came to hug me.

“I understand! You don’t have to go that far if you don’t want to. But I’d prefer you go to Cape Town at least, with your mother and father if you like. There is also The Gorgeous agency there,” the owner said.

“Please take this one,” my mom said.

“But mom, I can’t. I need to finish my studies,”’ I said.

“You can study there while working. We will pay for your studies and the accommodation of your choice,” the owner said.

“Haaa. My child, take it, please do it for me!” My mom said.

I took it. My dad refused to go with us so we left without him. I was very sad to live my dad behind. Although he was a real jerk sometimes, I loved him as my father. But then again I wanted to prove to my people that whom they called Hope wannabe is more than a wannabe; she’s also a great success!

My Name is Hope Hlope and I’m twenty-three years old.

***

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