Her phone kept buzzing. It was him. He had been trying to call her, but she would not answer.
Buzz! Buzz! Buzz!
“Geez!” she yelled, picking up the phone.
She read his messages and it was nothing new. It was the “Baby, I’m sorry, I won’t do it again, and I’ll make it up to you tomorrow,” tone that she was used to.
“Stop lying!” she typed, but then sighed. She did not have the courage to confront him. She erased the typing, only to hit sent on an “it’s okay” message. She lied to him and to herself: it was not okay and she definitely was not okay.
“Great, I knew you’d be okay. I’ll pick you up tomorrow,” he texted, and was gone.
He’d made her feel alive, giving her that adrenalin feeling of being someone she’s not, doing things no good girl should be found doing. Yet, with all the excitement, emptiness came too. Emptiness knew her name and became her unwanted friend. She hoped he would ease the emptiness she felt inside, the emptiness she could not explain.
He was good-looking, she felt attracted to the bad boy look, one ear-ring in the ear, baggy jeans and oversized jerseys. A rapper. A musician. The town’s player – and he wanted her. She was a young 19-year-old, inexperienced and naïve, the shy girl who preferred reading books indoors than partying in the clubs. Never even been kissed. He knew she was a good girl and she knew who he was.
Everyone who knew him warned her against him but those warnings fell on deaf ears. She didn’t listen when they told her “Be careful”. Instead she’d say, “You don’t know him like I do.” In her prayer time she’d feel a whisper warn her, “You’re playing with fire.”
But she didn’t see the harm in a little bit of attention from an older boy. Never in her wildest dreams did she think that the horror stories of what happened to other women ‘out there’ would have to her. And by someone she knew.
The day it happened, the day a part of her was stolen, she remembers it all too well. In the middle of December, a week before Christmas and few days before his birthday, a birthday gift he took for himself instead of her giving it to him.
She woke up early that Tuesday morning, washed her hair, made sure she looked and smelled good. She had a cute tight shorts on with a tight top that showed her cleavage. He had already changed the way she saw herself – she needed to look and feel and be sexy for him, or else he might get bored. She prepared herself to see him, only him, to spend time with him, nothing more than a kiss wrapped up in his cuddles.
He opened his car door for her and she couldn’t help but smile; everything that made her feel hurt about him vanished when he held her and smiled.
“Hello, beautiful,” was all it took and her heart smiled again.
Driving with him made her happy, it seemed like the sun rays smiled on his face, radiating upon him, turning his hazel eyes into green. She loved his eyes; when he looked at her it was as if an angel looked at her.
He drove recklessly, she felt a sense of danger and alarm as they sped through the streets. “Not so fast!” she said, grabbing hold of his arm.
“Relax, babe, you’re safe with me,” he winked.
She decided to believe and trust him. Although his small ugly, light grey Uno felt so unsafe, he was with her, so she didn’t feel the need to worry.
But those green eyes became dark. It was no longer an angel before her, but a monster… a monster much stronger than her.
He took her to his room and he became a stranger. Little did she know he had always been a stranger. A 27-year-old stranger who pretended to care about her, but indeed only wanted her body, her innocence and her perfectly whole heart. He was strong and she was so tiny. She thought she loved him, she thought he cared. It was then that the light that was so bright within him, revealed itself as nothing but darkness, darkness that had been there all along. She begged him to stop, he begged her not to stop him.
She was helpless, alone, broken. Let down by the very one she trusted.
Three years had passed by…
The girl she knew then had changed in so many different ways. She was tiny then, she’s stronger now.
Although she had kept silent then, she’s brave to speak now.