I used to send her texts often. She would read them and reply with “good” or “OK”. I stopped sending messages to her as time went by. She saw me online and texted me.
You don’t notice me lately.
She was my partner, I couldn’t avoid her forever. I said to her that I thought she was not interested in my texts. She said no she was, it was just that she was always busy and didn’t.
Not even once did she tell me to hold on for few minutes or hours because she was busy. The next day I texted her and she went to her old ways. I sent a her message that read:
I may have not told u but it hurts me deep inside. I’m trying to get you to know your feelings but u never notice mine. Everyone wants to know when they are loved.
Her response was simple and easy to understand: I’m just not in the mood…
It surprised me because this was almost what she did every day. I asked her why every day? And she told me okay. Then I said just okay? She took her time and said yes just okay. I thought to myself; is this the kind of relationship that will last? Is this what I wished for? Is it true that relationships are full of trouble? I couldn’t say yes or no because I knew others who were having best of it.
Then I came back to my senses and said to myself, “When will you believe that love is not about losing or winning? It is just a few moments in time, followed by an eternity of situations to grow from. I could stop with calls and messages but will it make me a better person? Or is it because she was testing me?”
My friend kept on asking why I couldn’t walk away from what I was addicted to. I mean pain, stress and other things I got from this relationship. Did I love her that much to have false hope that it will be okay someday? Enough of this questions. I said to myself, let me ask if she loves me or not. I hope she won’t take it personally. I will learn to live with the truth if she doesn’t love me, then maybe I can let her go peacefully.
I’m lying to myself! I can feel it. I believe that girls want to feel special without acknowledging that we boys too need to feel like them! I don’t know, maybe some girls are too special too let go of. To all my niggas who suffer from the same thing as me, relax a bit there is something better.