I was going to say; I wish I didn’t love you. But at the same time, I am glad that I love you because I now know what true love feels like. I didn’t ask for this and yet it happened. I thought that we were meant to be but I guess I was wrong. I did everything humanly possible for you. But I guess being loving isn’t enough. You started to have less time for me and I felt unwanted.
I still feel unwanted cause when I ended it, you didn’t seem to care. I sometimes blame myself, and I can’t seem to see why you would hurt me, me… Everyone wants me but I only want you. I’m mad that you made me spent Valentine’s Day alone and that today (on the 18th) I will spend my birthday by myself. When you know very well that it’s you that I need.
I don’t know what to do anymore but I just have to accept that all those dreams we had, aren’t gonna happen. I feel like my heart has fallen and it can never open. I am even mad at all the guys because of you. I can’t even write love poems anymore ‘cause you were my love poem, my inspiration.
Not knowing how you are kills me, not hearing your voice is even worse. My heart has built a strong wall around me and it’s getting bigger by seconds. I thought that you were my happy ending, but hey I never get happy endings, was I trying to get a new record or something?
All I wanted was for us to be together but we can’t always get what we want. And maybe you just don’t love me anymore, but I refuse to believe that. What happened between us? Did you find someone else? I don’t even want to compare myself with any female, for I know I am the right one for you. No one can love you like I do. No one!
Every time I wake up I feel like I was just having a terrible nightmare, that we are still together. But when I don’t get a morning call or text, I quickly realise that the nightmare is a reality. Everyone says it will get better in time, well time seems to have forsaken me cause it’s really slow. Everyday apart feels like a lifetime. I miss you like a toenail will miss its toe. What we had was really rare, it was too good to be true. Maybe that was the problem. Or we simply couldn’t handle it ‘cause it was that huge.
I lie to myself that I am over you every day and I act like it. I think about how it used to be and how quickly it all vanished, without a trace. I am trying to be like an FBI agent to get to the bottom of this but I can’t chase ghosts. I can never run out of words to try and make sense of all of this. But in the end I have to face reality; we are not together anymore. I am not the first voice you hear every morning anymore. I am not the person you like to see anymore.
I hope that you are happier wherever you are, cause knowing that you are happy will really put a smile on my face. It’s hard to be out of your life. It’s also harder to stay too.
But know this, I will always love you for you are the love of my life.