My whole life was sorted, I had planned everything ahead, even where would I be at a particular age in my life. I was the leader of my footsteps and the guider of my dreams. It is easy to dream when you picture things from afar. But by the time I was in grade eleven the greatest tragedy took its toll in my life.

When I was in grade eleven, I fell sick with a condition termed Rheumatic heart disease, it really strained my body, my energy and the zeal for life was no longer the same. It is surprising how one’s plans for life could simply just change with the snap of a finger. This caused me to fail my grade eleven. I was so tormented in my heart, the people around me made it worse. Those who wished bad for me were glad and those who loved me felt really sorry for me, that was what I hated the most. I do not like it when people feel sorry for me.

I felt I was strong but deep within I knew something was wrong, I had lost hope and all my future plans vanished. Although I did not want to admit it, I felt pain deeply. But I had no choice. Yes! It does happen at times in life, when life throws you to a pit of choices and then sometimes it gives you only one choice. In my dreams I wanted to become a doctor, then I changed my mind, I decided to become a lawyer, then a psychologist, then a geologist, I wanted to become a lot of things.

Slowly my dreams of becoming anything I wanted to be kept on being subtracted. I cancelled being a doctor because I felt I was not worthy enough, I cancelled geology because within me I feared that I would fail somewhere in the future.

I was left with a few options. My matric year was amazing, simply because I started letting go of fear, I reckoned whatever will be will be. The following year in January, the results came out, I could not believe my eyes, I passed with a Bachelor’s pass. That year I decided to take a gap year, to decide thoroughly what I wanted, because my plans were badly damaged. So I sat down and planned my future. During that time, I had to be realistic, I knew I had to face reality, I had to really know what I wanted, what I loved, what would define me and lastly what I was called for. That was due to the fact that dreaming can be sometimes unrealistic, that is why when those dreams fail, one’s life also fades away with them. This time I was looking for something I was going to fight for, that even if I failed along the way, I would not quit.

I did get over my sorrow and I felt much more alive. But still the answer to what I felt I was called for was far from being solved. When I woke up it was June, I still had no answer in me. So, my mother suggested I apply at a particular institution early so I could get space. I kept on procrastinating because I did not want to apply for something I would later regret in my life.

But something amazing happened. One day during the application period, I went to apply at a varsity institution. When I got to the gate something like a movie played in my mind, I saw myself at a younger age, role playing and making scenarios in my head. Then I saw myself as a teenager, I was writing plays, I remembered when I was in grade eight, my play won five thousand rands at a youth organisation festival…then my ‘aha’ moment knocked in, I was a writer and story teller, that was my calling.

I then applied for film and television production. Today I hold a degree in film and television and I am happy and content in this field, only because I found what I was called for, and that was my ‘aha’ moment.


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